A big-mouthed moose

"Rosie's a loser. She's been a loser always."
- Donald Trump

I agree with Trump. Rosie is a loser. I used to like her ass. She was cool back in the day: Alternative, edgy, off-center. But over the last several years she's become - in the apt words of Jimmy Kimmel - "a big-mouth moose."

This whole conflict between them is a trip. Who cares what Rosie thinks?

I don't know if it's coming out of the closet that has done it to her. I'd like to think not. But, she's morphed into a stereotypical, loud-mouthed, chip-on-her-shoulder, overly butch, lesbian. And I don't say that as an offensive to lesbians, obviously. I know a few lesbians that are cool people.

I honestly don't think it's a lesbian thing with her. She's just an annoying wench, period.

Old School parents

Flint, Mich. - My parents are Old School. As hip and progressive as they can be (or like to think they are) they're pretty much like any other parents: set in their ways.

To wit:

* They don't have a dishwasher. They still hand wash every...single...dish. Claim that they don't trust dishwashers, whatever that means. I didn't know inanimate objects could be trusted. Now, this brother can't live without a dishwasher. I've rejected apartments because they lacked them. I hated washing dishes as a child, almost as much as I hated cutting grass. Andrew and Earnestine have decided - despite years of protests by me and my brother - that they don't need one of those contraptions. "I like washing my own dishes," my mother said, slopping suds around in the sink.

* They don't have air conditioning. Do not adjust your computer screen. This is not a mis-print. Their reasoning: It doesn't get hot enough in Michigan to need it. That, as anyone who has ever been in The Mitten for the summer knows, is bs. It gets hot. Africa hot. Granted, the heat doesn't stick around for half the year like it does in Texas, but the intensity is just as bad. My parents also argue that because of the design of the house - the family room being hidden in the back, the front of the house facing West - the house keeps itself cool, for the most part. There is a bit of truth to that. Still, there's a reason why I refuse to come home in the summer.

* They still have dial up Internet. This is just trifling times 10. Andrew Sr. gets free AOL from his job. Alright. But high speed doesn't cost THAT much more. It wouldn't kill them to splurge for the extra $25 per month to upgrade to dial up. It's hell trying to do this blog from their computer, which is why I'm doing it right now from a Starbucks. Of course, if they DID upgrade to high speed Internet, they would have trouble, because...

* They still use Windows 98. You read that right. Not Windows 99. Not Windows XP. They are still using Windows 98. The other day I tried to pull something up using adobe acrobat, and I couldn't because their version of Windows is so outdated.

Reason number 876,99619,99817 why I left Colorado

NBA brawls and airline hypocracy

I lost interest in the NBA years ago, so the big brawl that happened between the Denver Nuggets and the New York Nicks didn't really concern me. Millionaires fighting. I really didn't give a damn.

But after hearing that Northwest Airlines was removing its in-flight magazines because this month's issue featured a profile of Carmelo Anthony, I just laughed.

Northwest claims they didn't want to be associated with an athlete that was violent.

First of all, no athlete is squeaky clean. Hell, if Northwest had that policy they would NEVER have ANY athlete in their magazines.

Secondly, what does the Denver-New York fight have to do with Northwest? Not a damn thing. So they should stay out of it.

Third, have you flown Northwest lately? Worst airline in the country hands down. It's the only airline that charges for food, the only airline that, after passengers check their luggage, sometimes - instead of, oh, I don't know, PUTTING THEIR LUGGAGE ON THE PLANE - will just say fuck it and pile luggage behind the counter (True story. Happened in Detroit last winter). Northwest is the same airline that sent a list to employees who were about to be laid off advising them on how to cut costs. One of the suggestions: Use old newspapers for cat liter.

Drama on Mount Hood

A co-worker asked: "Should I feel guilty for asking who is going to pay for this rescue up on Mt. Hood?"

Well, no. I think it's a legit question. The co-worker went on to say that the climbers knew the risks, and wondered why the wall-to-wall world coverage was necessary.

My issue about the Mt. Hood Drama is this: Why do people climb mountains?

Now, I've heard that reaching the top of a major peak can be an almost spiritual experience. I've heard and read that reaching the literal mountaintop and looking down on the rest of the world is a surreal moment that can't be matched by anything else.

Ok, but...why? When I lived in Colorado I never went skiing. Sometimes, I regret it, until I remember all the stories: Clowns playing football on skis and are surprised when they get decapitated; fools thinking they were at the Olympics rolling down the mountains at 50 miles per hour and breaking legs.

As beautiful as the mountains are, they can be menacing and dangerous.

The family of Kelley James, one of the climbers found dead on the mountain, said that when he climbed mountains, he felt at peace and closer to God. That's why he did it.

That's all good, and I'm all for seeking whatever provides internal peace.

But, sometimes, it's just not worth it.

$90 worth of beer and wings

Met a couple of buddies out for beer and wings Saturday night. We watched the Cowboy-Falcons game. Buddy number two was late, so it was basically me and buddy number one, shooting the shit for a few hours and drinking and eating wings. Had a good time.

Later, the bill came. It was $90.

Now, ya'll know I like to have a good time. When I'm in the zone, I start swiping the credit card left and right. I am the king of "put it on my tab."

But...when I emerged from my drunken coma this morning, I was like: How in the hell does two people consume $90 worth of beer and wings?

Damn.

Ok, Ok, I'll keep blogging

Damn. Yall love this blog, huh? Yet another friend who I haven't heard from in a while was like, "Well, I thought I could keep up with you via your blog, but I guess that wasn't the case." He said he got sick of seeing Terrell Owens.

Well, damn. I didn't know I had a fan club. Quite honestly, not many people posted, so I wasn't sure if it was worth blogging. But, I see that's not the case. And, shit, sometimes I don't have anything to say, you know?

But, this brings up another issue: If someone is trying to keep up with me, why not just pick up the phone and give me a shout, or shoot me an email? It got me to thinking about how we as human being communicate. That's one reason I hate text messaging. It takes SO DAMN LONG to send a message. In the time it takes to send a text message I could have easily dialed the person I was trying to reach and talk to them.

Sue the bastards, but keep your name

My boy JB has been on my ass about updating this blog. OK, OK, my bad. I'll do better (I know I've promised that before. But I will).

Anyway...

This is bugging me. And I don't know why. It shouldn't. But it does. Nicole Paultre wants to legally change her name to reflect the name of her dead fiancee, who, we all know, was killed when a group of NYC police officers lost their damn minds and got all Michael Richards a few weeks ago. She wants to change her name, she says, to have the same name as that of the children she bore with him.

Awwww!

But, hold up. I'm not buying it. Not to sound crass (well, it's going to sound crass anyway, but I don't care) but, my bet is that she wants to cash in on having his last name. I'm sure some PR person, or even Rev Al, told her she could possibly milk this for years if she had his last name.

Cynical? Yep. But this doesn't feel right.

I'll buy that she kept the wedding ring he gave her because she wanted something he'd bought for her. I'm sure that ring will be very important to her for years to come. But I'm not sure taking his name was done mainly out of sentimental reasons or even to have the same name of her kids.

I'm not trying to be insensitive or crass. But I've seen genuine crime victims morph overnight from warm, devastated citizens to money-grubbing, attention-seeking media freaks. Does she deserve money from the NYC police department? Yep. She should sue the hell out of them.

But this bruh ain't buying the reasons she changed her name.
Taking bets on when the book/movie deal will be announced.