Monday, August 15, 2005

Hotlanta, Part 2

What's the deal with Atlanta? I haven't been in 10 years, and I really, really liked it when I was there last week. Hell, I wouldn't mind living there.

But I also got this uppity vibe from ATL. As my boy Steve said: "These fools in Atlanta swear up and down this is either New York or LA."

And he's right. Atlanta is cool, but also has some of the most sididdy, snotty, uppity negroes I have ever seen in my entire life. Heffas running around there like they just jumped out of P. Diddy's limo. Guys rolling around like they just signed a 7-year contract with the Falcons or a record deal with LaFace records.

I got this vibe that there are certain Atlanta "types":

1) The uppity Southern Bell. This one came from money, even though her mamma and daddy couldn't wait to ship her off to school. If she left Georgia for college (which is doubtful), she attented either Howard or Hampton, yet she flies back to ATL every six weeks because she missed her high school friends. If she did go to school in Georgia, it's likely at Spellman, where she lived on campus, chased after a husband at Morehouse, but pretended like she was all that. She played hard-to-get, but likely ran through one or two fraternities.

2) The wannabe Southern Bell. This one came from a working class family but PRETENDS like she came from money. She likes to brag about her clothes, her shopping excursions, how much she knows, and likes to put in airs like she's a fifth generation Johnson, but in reality, her mamma and daddy nearly got a divorce when he lost his $50,000-a-year-gig at the plant, and she ows about $100,000 in student loans, and she can't afford cable and her Visa is maxed.

3) The Morehouse Man. Macho, debanir, cool, and gay as all get out. Dates women - occassionally. But prefers to roll with his boys for some strange reason. Will likely go to Medical School, and thus has no time for a wife. (Hmm. Wonder why?)

4) Mr. Rap Wannabe. This fool is from either Detroit or Flint or Chicago, but heard about Atlanta years ago. He dropped everything and moved down, no job, no prospects, no nothing. He expected to be signed to a record label as soon as he got off I-75, because everyone knows HE is the most talented, undiscovered rapper in the country. He calls his mamma every other day - collect - asking her to wire him $100 for his share of the rent.

5) Mr./Mrs Randomly Love Atlanta. This person likes Atlanta, but they're not sure why. They've always heard about it, so they decided to move there. Truth is, the only reason they moved there is because it was the trendy thing to do. This person is a follower, the person who does what everyone else is doing. They like Atlanta...they think.

6) Mr. Black Gay Atlanta. He heard that Atlanta was the gay mecca, so he figured, "Why not?" Marginalized in other cities, Mr. Gay Atlanta moves to Georgia, expecting a utopia. Only, he realizes what he saw in his old city: fools are all the same. Everywhere.

2 comments:

*Madosi said...

I RESENT IT ALL ... (even though a lot of it is true).

Let's get one thing straight mister, I am from Atlanta and nothing like any of those you have described!

Don't HATE!

HA HA HA HA, just kidding! Good observations, but let's do seriously get one thing clear. There are some really down to earth cool people living here who are nothing like the stereotypes. I am one of them and was born and raised here!

I have siddity tendencies, but when you get to know me you realize I am not that bad! ;)

Trae said...

Haaaaaaaaaa