Confession: I used to have an MC Hammer hookup. Remember: the big-ass baloon pants, the oversized shirt. I had it in high school, back when I had no business wearing it, back when Hammer was da shit and was floating down from the sky in KFC commercials, looking like a clown in oversized gazelles.
And, remember the Michael Jackson "Beat It" jackets? With all the zippers? I had one. Got it in the 6th grade when I got a good report card. I remember back then that having one was all that. You would roll up in school with a Beat It jacket like you finna whoop somebody ass.
That got me to thinking about ridiculus, fake-ass fads. Why in the hell did we fall for them? Ok, ok, Michael Jackson was big back then (before he was sleeping with little boys), but when I look back on that horrible ass jacket I realize somebody should have shot me in the head for wearing that bullshit. I was home recently and was bullshitting with my brothers and sisters and we were going through old photographs and one with me in that jacket came up. What the fuck was I thinking? I think I wore that jacket twice my whole childhood. After a while, the coolness of being one of the few kids in school with a Beat It jacket fades and you become That Kid With All Those Damn Zippers.