A big-mouthed moose

"Rosie's a loser. She's been a loser always."
- Donald Trump

I agree with Trump. Rosie is a loser. I used to like her ass. She was cool back in the day: Alternative, edgy, off-center. But over the last several years she's become - in the apt words of Jimmy Kimmel - "a big-mouth moose."

This whole conflict between them is a trip. Who cares what Rosie thinks?

I don't know if it's coming out of the closet that has done it to her. I'd like to think not. But, she's morphed into a stereotypical, loud-mouthed, chip-on-her-shoulder, overly butch, lesbian. And I don't say that as an offensive to lesbians, obviously. I know a few lesbians that are cool people.

I honestly don't think it's a lesbian thing with her. She's just an annoying wench, period.

Old School parents

Flint, Mich. - My parents are Old School. As hip and progressive as they can be (or like to think they are) they're pretty much like any other parents: set in their ways.

To wit:

* They don't have a dishwasher. They still hand wash every...single...dish. Claim that they don't trust dishwashers, whatever that means. I didn't know inanimate objects could be trusted. Now, this brother can't live without a dishwasher. I've rejected apartments because they lacked them. I hated washing dishes as a child, almost as much as I hated cutting grass. Andrew and Earnestine have decided - despite years of protests by me and my brother - that they don't need one of those contraptions. "I like washing my own dishes," my mother said, slopping suds around in the sink.

* They don't have air conditioning. Do not adjust your computer screen. This is not a mis-print. Their reasoning: It doesn't get hot enough in Michigan to need it. That, as anyone who has ever been in The Mitten for the summer knows, is bs. It gets hot. Africa hot. Granted, the heat doesn't stick around for half the year like it does in Texas, but the intensity is just as bad. My parents also argue that because of the design of the house - the family room being hidden in the back, the front of the house facing West - the house keeps itself cool, for the most part. There is a bit of truth to that. Still, there's a reason why I refuse to come home in the summer.

* They still have dial up Internet. This is just trifling times 10. Andrew Sr. gets free AOL from his job. Alright. But high speed doesn't cost THAT much more. It wouldn't kill them to splurge for the extra $25 per month to upgrade to dial up. It's hell trying to do this blog from their computer, which is why I'm doing it right now from a Starbucks. Of course, if they DID upgrade to high speed Internet, they would have trouble, because...

* They still use Windows 98. You read that right. Not Windows 99. Not Windows XP. They are still using Windows 98. The other day I tried to pull something up using adobe acrobat, and I couldn't because their version of Windows is so outdated.

Reason number 876,99619,99817 why I left Colorado

NBA brawls and airline hypocracy

I lost interest in the NBA years ago, so the big brawl that happened between the Denver Nuggets and the New York Nicks didn't really concern me. Millionaires fighting. I really didn't give a damn.

But after hearing that Northwest Airlines was removing its in-flight magazines because this month's issue featured a profile of Carmelo Anthony, I just laughed.

Northwest claims they didn't want to be associated with an athlete that was violent.

First of all, no athlete is squeaky clean. Hell, if Northwest had that policy they would NEVER have ANY athlete in their magazines.

Secondly, what does the Denver-New York fight have to do with Northwest? Not a damn thing. So they should stay out of it.

Third, have you flown Northwest lately? Worst airline in the country hands down. It's the only airline that charges for food, the only airline that, after passengers check their luggage, sometimes - instead of, oh, I don't know, PUTTING THEIR LUGGAGE ON THE PLANE - will just say fuck it and pile luggage behind the counter (True story. Happened in Detroit last winter). Northwest is the same airline that sent a list to employees who were about to be laid off advising them on how to cut costs. One of the suggestions: Use old newspapers for cat liter.

Drama on Mount Hood

A co-worker asked: "Should I feel guilty for asking who is going to pay for this rescue up on Mt. Hood?"

Well, no. I think it's a legit question. The co-worker went on to say that the climbers knew the risks, and wondered why the wall-to-wall world coverage was necessary.

My issue about the Mt. Hood Drama is this: Why do people climb mountains?

Now, I've heard that reaching the top of a major peak can be an almost spiritual experience. I've heard and read that reaching the literal mountaintop and looking down on the rest of the world is a surreal moment that can't be matched by anything else.

Ok, but...why? When I lived in Colorado I never went skiing. Sometimes, I regret it, until I remember all the stories: Clowns playing football on skis and are surprised when they get decapitated; fools thinking they were at the Olympics rolling down the mountains at 50 miles per hour and breaking legs.

As beautiful as the mountains are, they can be menacing and dangerous.

The family of Kelley James, one of the climbers found dead on the mountain, said that when he climbed mountains, he felt at peace and closer to God. That's why he did it.

That's all good, and I'm all for seeking whatever provides internal peace.

But, sometimes, it's just not worth it.

$90 worth of beer and wings

Met a couple of buddies out for beer and wings Saturday night. We watched the Cowboy-Falcons game. Buddy number two was late, so it was basically me and buddy number one, shooting the shit for a few hours and drinking and eating wings. Had a good time.

Later, the bill came. It was $90.

Now, ya'll know I like to have a good time. When I'm in the zone, I start swiping the credit card left and right. I am the king of "put it on my tab."

But...when I emerged from my drunken coma this morning, I was like: How in the hell does two people consume $90 worth of beer and wings?

Damn.

Ok, Ok, I'll keep blogging

Damn. Yall love this blog, huh? Yet another friend who I haven't heard from in a while was like, "Well, I thought I could keep up with you via your blog, but I guess that wasn't the case." He said he got sick of seeing Terrell Owens.

Well, damn. I didn't know I had a fan club. Quite honestly, not many people posted, so I wasn't sure if it was worth blogging. But, I see that's not the case. And, shit, sometimes I don't have anything to say, you know?

But, this brings up another issue: If someone is trying to keep up with me, why not just pick up the phone and give me a shout, or shoot me an email? It got me to thinking about how we as human being communicate. That's one reason I hate text messaging. It takes SO DAMN LONG to send a message. In the time it takes to send a text message I could have easily dialed the person I was trying to reach and talk to them.

Sue the bastards, but keep your name

My boy JB has been on my ass about updating this blog. OK, OK, my bad. I'll do better (I know I've promised that before. But I will).

Anyway...

This is bugging me. And I don't know why. It shouldn't. But it does. Nicole Paultre wants to legally change her name to reflect the name of her dead fiancee, who, we all know, was killed when a group of NYC police officers lost their damn minds and got all Michael Richards a few weeks ago. She wants to change her name, she says, to have the same name as that of the children she bore with him.

Awwww!

But, hold up. I'm not buying it. Not to sound crass (well, it's going to sound crass anyway, but I don't care) but, my bet is that she wants to cash in on having his last name. I'm sure some PR person, or even Rev Al, told her she could possibly milk this for years if she had his last name.

Cynical? Yep. But this doesn't feel right.

I'll buy that she kept the wedding ring he gave her because she wanted something he'd bought for her. I'm sure that ring will be very important to her for years to come. But I'm not sure taking his name was done mainly out of sentimental reasons or even to have the same name of her kids.

I'm not trying to be insensitive or crass. But I've seen genuine crime victims morph overnight from warm, devastated citizens to money-grubbing, attention-seeking media freaks. Does she deserve money from the NYC police department? Yep. She should sue the hell out of them.

But this bruh ain't buying the reasons she changed her name.
Taking bets on when the book/movie deal will be announced.

$25 million reasons to live (i.e. how to say some dumb shit)

The plan was to comment on the Terrell Owens saga and what a buffon he has become. But, I read my girl Angry Black Bitch's take on the matter, and decided to just defer to her. Check out her take on what TO's weave-wearing-ass publicist said.

No longer his boo

We all thought Whitney and Bobby would be one of those ultra-ghetto couples. Yall know what I'm talking about: One of those couples that, despite being ghetto as all get out, somehow manage to stay together. Ultra-ghetto couples have a pattern: They argue, fight, call the police, separate, get back together, fuck, then proclaim to the world they are in love. Then, a few weeks later, they do it all over again.

Ultra-Ghetto couples have 911 on speed dial. Ultra-ghetto couples usually have everybody and they mamma up in their business, calling relatives and uncles and great nephews with their problems. They don't realize that most people drawn into the Ultra-Ghetto Couple universe are laughing at them and taking bets on how long they'd stay together.

I'm geeked that Whitney dumped his sorry ass. Maybe now she can get off the crack and go back to being the performer she used to be. Yeah, I'm a Whitney Houston fan. Or, I used to be. She was the shit back in the day, back before she decided she just had to have a bad boy, back before the weed be talking to her and she decided that crack was "wack."

It was actually Jemele who convinced me that Whitney and Bobby were an Ultra-Ghetto couple. I had been waiting for a break-up for years when Jemele pointed out that it probably wasn't going to happen. I had come to the painful realization that she was probably right, and the chances that I'd get my girl Whitney back were slim. Jemele is apparently mourning this break up on her blog. I will agree with her on one thing: Whitney and Bobby were entertaining, in a train-wreck-sort-of-way.

But now, hell, I guess anything is possible. But I guess it depends on whether Whitney is too far gone on the drugs to get her shit together and make a somewhat decent comeback.

I hope that rehab be talking to her.

A negro, not a greek

In recently talking to a cool cat I just met, he asked me: "What are you?"

"A writer."

"No, brotha, you a Kappa?"

"Naw, bro."

"So you an Alpha, then."

"Naw."

"So what are you?"

"Nothing."

"You didn't pledge?" he said, stunned.

"Naw, bro."

"Oh, so you're independent???"

"Yep."

The conversation ended soon after that.

My boy JB once said that the black greek system was one of the worst things to ever happen to black people.

I agree.

So these mofos just hate EVERYBODY, huh?

Do Klansmen have nothing better to do? These mofos need a hobby. Or a woman. Or something better to do. I mean, damn. This story tripped me out. They hate blacks, jews, gays, Latinos and immigrants.

Somebody need to tell their sorry asses to pick up a damn history book. Fools act like they were the first one's up in this piece.

"New South" my ass

Atlanta - So I'm in the ATL for a long Labor Day weekend getaway. I'm at a nice hotel in Midtown. More than 90 percent of the hotel staff is black which, at first, I thought was cool.

But you know what? I've gotten some of the worst service I've ever gotten in my life. I travel quite a bit, and I know good service when I see it. I have not gotten it here. The valet guys ignore me when I pull up in my rental car. I just had breakfast and the hostess damn-near sat me in the kitchen. I had to BEG the waiter for more orange juice, and then had to BEG him for a pen to sign my receipt.

These are some serious player-hatin-ass negroes up in the ATL.

What's wrong with us?

No time for a Thank You

This keeps happening: I hold open a door for someone, and they just walk through, not saying a word. It happened twice in the last few days, and it just happened a few minutes ago, as I was entering the neighborhood coffee shop where I write this.

Each time it's happened, I've always said - loud enough for the woman to year - "You're welcome." Each time she turned and was like, "Oh, Thank you."

Now, here's the question: Am I wrong for expecting a "Thank you"? Do my actions constitute rudeness?

I say no. Sure, some people are so distracted with their next task or destination that they're focused solely on that. But, I maintain that the same sensory nerves that tell them that they have to push open a door to walk out of a room still apply when they realized that they DIDN'T HAVE to push open a door to walk out of a room.

In other words: No excuses. You know damned well that somebody just opened the door for your ass. You're not Casper The Friendly Ghost. You didn't just float through the door, and the door didn't just open. Thus, someone opened it for you.

So say "Thank you."

Getting her Lotto on

Peep this clueless bitch: She stole more than $2 million from her bosses. For what? Lottery Tickets.

Yes, this idiot thought she could get away with swiping millions of dollars. According to the story, she used the money to buy lotto tickets. She actually, seriously, believed in her heart of hearts that she would win the lotto.

Quietly, this brings up another issue. Don't we all know somwone who swears up and down that THEY are going to win the lotto, and spend a fourth of their salary buying tickets? It's funny how every one of us are convinced that we are going to be the lucky mofo that's going to win.

I believe in faith and persistence, but this is going a bit too far. Though, to be honest, I did just read that the Mega Millions jackpot just hit $60 million.
Shiiiit, let me run and buy five cash option tickets right fast...

Fools on a plane

Why are fools still losing their minds on airplanes? Today, 12 people were arrested after acting out on a Northwest jet that had just left Amsterdam. A couple of weeks ago, it was morons planning to blow up to jets headed to the United States from London.

Here's the question here: Do fools still think that, after 9/11, they can still get away with random jet tricks? Perhaps they're trying to exploit a weakness in the system, hoping that, eventually, we will all become comfortable and lazy again, and forget about terrorism?

All I know is this: In this day and age, with people busy and trying to get to where they need to go, most people are not trying to put up with fools on a plane.

I'm impatient. When I travel, I like to get where I'm going. If someone wants to get all terrorist on a flight my black ass is on, they will get a beat down that rivals anything they may have gotten from their parents as a child.

What if Tom Cruise were black?

So Paramount is finally admitting what the rest of us have known. Tom Cruise is out his damn mind. They're calling him out, saying he's, um, not quite right. They're yanking his contract, basically calling him a psycho. Can't say I blame them, really. Tom has been a joke for the last few years. For one thing, he keeps playing the same roles over and over and over again.

For another thing, isn't it funny how he's only dating someone when he has a new movie out? Tom can be "asexual" for years, but when he has a new movie coming out he suddenly head over heals in love with whatever heffa he has run into.

But here's my question: What if Tom Cruise were black? Would he be given the same leeway for crazyness? Hell no. He probably would have been shut down the minute he jumped on Oprah's couch. Or, shit, they probably would have ran his ass out of Hollywood the minute he started talking about Scientology. Can you imagine Will Smith getting away with telling Brooke Sheilds that she was "weak" for not doing natural child birth?

John Karr: Who gives a damn?

No joke. Who? Don't mistake: The death of a little girl is a big deal. As is the supposed capture of her killer. But, did we have to hear every detail of Karr's flight to the United States?

I was in Indianapolis for a convention last week, and as I was getting dressed in my hotel room before a presentation, MSNBC came on with a "breaking news bulletin about that Thai airways jet" they mentioned earlier. I was like, "Oh shit. Did a plane crash when a nigga was in the shower?"

No.

The "breaking news" was that Karr was sitting in business class and had fried prawns for dinner.

It's bad enough that I have issues with the coverage of Jon Benet Ramsey's murder case (another blog), but the last thing I need is to hear about what every thing the suspected murderer did when he was on his extradition flight.


And, I'm tripping that this clown was in business class. My black ass can barely afford coach in most cases, and he gets BC? Crime pays.

Would Theo and Vanessa have become crackheads?

I didn't get The Memo.
Did ya'll get The Memo?

You know what memo. The memo that stated that Bill Cosby and Michael Dyson knows how to solve Black America's issues. You know: Poverty. Unemployment. Racism. Health issues.

Those.

Here we go again. Bill Cosby made some somewhat controversial comments and, yet again, some folks ain't happy. Michael Dyson, a man who I think is a genious and one of the most focused social commentators and sociologists in the country, has not been happy with Cosby since he made his first controversial remarks a couple of years ago, and sure as hell wasn't pleased with the brotha after some recent comments in Washington, D.C.

Basically, Cosby wants black folks to have more personal responsibility, to focus on our issues in our own homes and within ourselves. Which is essentially what he's always said.

Dyson has called Cosby out for simplifying a very complex issue. He feels that black people have to deal with racism (something that they have no control over), and that Cosby is being irresponsible.

I think they're both right.

Let's keep it real. There is some truth to what Cosby is saying. Black people need to get our shit together, need to stop buying our kids $150 shoes and worrying about to whom Kanye West is engaged. I know people who spend more time analyzing Beyonce's weave than their own damn bank statements. When was the last time any of us volunteered for a cause, spent time with young kids in high schools, or provided a bit of guidance to a young person who needs help? Hell, I'm guilty my damn self.

But it's simple to say "Just be good and life will work out." It won't. Shit happens. Life happens: Racism. Sexism. Homophobia. Age-ism. Class-ism. There are things we just can't control. That's what Dyson is saying, and I agree to a large extent.

This isn't an either-or issue. It's not a pick sides kind of fight. There are things here that need to be discussed and debated, and I'm glad that's being done.

But, hell, everybody is so busy calling each other out that they're missing what the other side is saying. Maybe the only reason they can communicate is by writing memos.

Memo to Bill: It's not that simple.

Memo to Michael: It's not that complicated.

Memo to Black People: Turn off BET.

This mofo blog lives: Black by popular demand

Yes, a negro is back. And Black.

Been busy. Doing what, I don't remember. Work. Life. Shit. But I've neglected this blog like George Bush has neglected domestic policy: pathetically. My bad. This blog lives. Don't give up on a negro. This will be updated regularly. Not every few months, but every day, sometimes a few times per. I've realized that a blog is a living, breathing entity that must be fed with the personality of whomever owns it. I guess.

Yes, a negro is back.
Let's get this party started....

1) Some clowns in London were going to blow up two planes headed for the United States. Here's my thing: Why? What's the point? Ok, they blow up the planes and get their names in the paper. And? THEN what? Were they expecting a damn book deal? An appearance on Oprah? What was the goal here, other than murder and mayhem? And now they got caught.

2) Fidel Castro's brother took over Cuba. Apparently, F Dog is recovering from surgery, and for now Raul will be the boss. A Negro has a question: Who is going to take seriously someone named Raul? No offense to those with that name, and, I actually think it's somewhat of a cool name. But not for a dictator that's supposed to rule by fear. RAUL? Who is going to be afraid of someone with the name Raul? It sounds like the name of a stripper.

3) A Negro is obsessed with the Food Network. I can't get enough of that stuff. The other day I was watching "Restaurant Makeover" and was damn year yelling at the tv. I wonder why Alton Brown goes through so much stuff just to cook (though, Alton is my dawg, though). Maybe this is a later blog topic, but I've heard that the fastest growing demographic for the Food Network is single men in their 30s. Speaking of which...

4) A Negro just turned 34. More on this later, but it's amazing how time flies. I mean, damn, didn't I just celebrate my 21st birthday last week????