Drew's ghetto philosophies

"cool enough in the black world"

2007-11-08T00:20:00.000-06:00

Here we go. Yet another white guy is caught using the n-word, then goes on TV crying and tearing up, saying that he didn't mean it and that he thought he was able to use it because he thought he was cool with black people like that.

Give me a damn break.

In case you didn't hear, Duane Chapman, who has a bounty hunter show on A&E, was talking to his son on the phone He son has a black girlfriend. He basically told her: Break up with that black bitch or else (my interpretation). He then used the n-word several times.

I'm not sure how, but the conversation ended up on the Internet, and then all hell broke loose. Soon, A&E suspended his show, and you know that THAT means: It means he's about to lose money and it's time for him to act like he's sorry for what he said.

He went on Fox News - FOX! - and was all teary and apologetic. He then, according to the Associated Press, made the following statements:

"I thought that I was cool enough in the black world to be able to use that word as a brother to a brother," he said. "I'm not. I didn't know really know until three or four days ago what that meant to black people."

"I now learned I'm not black at all," Chapman said. "And I never did it out of hate."

First of all, who in the "black world" he was hanging out with that supposedly allowed him to use the n-word?

Secondly, he is just now realizing that he's not "black"?

Also, why did he go on Fox news, of all networks? And why should be believe anything anyone on Fox news has to say? Knowing Fox, they put him on there for reasons of propaganda, to show that Chapman was a victim of a supposedly politically correct society that, for some strange reason, they argue, won't allow EVERYONE to use racial slurs.

I call BS. I'm tired of white people thinking that they can use racial slurs, even IF they hear people of other races using them.

Work it, Ofree

2007-11-06T17:18:00.000-06:00

Say what you want about Oprah - or, as Jemele calls her, "Ofree" - she knows how to work it. When faced with something, she doesn't hide like a lot of punk-ass celebrities do. She calls a press conference and owns up.

Remember that mess with James Fry, the writer who wrote "A Million little pieces"? When the authenticity of the book was questioned, Oprah got all defensive, saying that she stood by her decision to choose book as part of her book club.

THEN it was revealed that Fry was a fraud and the book was bogus. Ofree could have said nothing and did nothing. But instead she owned up. She admitted that she made a mistake, and then focused an entire show around the idea of deception and plagiarism. THEN she got Fry back on her show and called him everything but a child of God. I thought she was going to get the belt and whup his butt like she was his mamma. She called him out hard.

So now, we have this scandal about one of her schools in Africa. Turns out of of the women in charge of taking care of the kids was a little bit crazy. Oprah, instead of saying "no comment" for several weeks, held a press conference and put it all out there, saying that she was devastated by what happened and that the woman was fired and all of that.

I was impressed. No matter how you feel about Ofree, she knows how to work it.

Katrina

2007-11-04T23:32:00.000-06:00

New Orleans - I went on the Katrina Hurricane Tour today. Again. I went on it last year, but since I rolled through NOLA this weekend after grabbing a cheap-ass, last minute air fare and a hotel bid on Priceline, I decided to do it again. Wanted to see how much the city had changed in the past 12 months, whether or not this city ever had a chance to get back to where it was.
The city is making progress, at least they have over the past 12 months since I last took the tour. But, damn, there's a long way to go.
I have conflicting feelings about New Orleans. On the one had, it's a city with a deep, rich culture. On the other hand, the practical side of me says that, until we decide that the city is worth saving, what's the point of putting hundreds of millions of dollars back into it?
In other words: It's cool that they're re-building, but what happens if another hurricane rolls through?

Gay Harry Potter

2007-11-01T14:53:00.000-05:00

Why did JK Rowling reveal that Dumbeldore was gay? What's the point? And who gives a damn? Of course, I have no issue with homosexuality. But I don't quite understand the point of, all of a sudden, after the last book as been printed, stepping up and saying, "Oh, so and so was gay. You didn't know???"

Yall know me. I don't give a damn about Harry Potter, nor his little wizard friends nor his teachers and all the rest of those goblins and whatnot. I read the first book only because it was a gift from a friend. And, yes, it was entertaining, but I grew burned out on the Harry Potter craziness over the last few years.

Quite frankly, Damn Harry Potter.

But, here's why this bothers me: Who cares? Was it necessary? What did she think she'd be doing by suddenly making one of the characters gay. Now, all of a sudden we're going to have everybody and their mamma reading the books AGAIN, going through them and looking for clues. Then you're going to have all of the right wing fools protesting and shit, saying that kids should not be subjected to reading Harry Potter.

And on and on.
Enough already.
Screw Dumbeldore, Harry Potter and JK Rowling.
No pun intended.

2007-11-01T14:42:00.001-05:00

Massacre in Virginia

2007-04-16T19:21:00.000-05:00

The massacre at Virginia Tech pisses me the fuck off. Excuse my language, but the sheer enormity of this is jarring. One fool was upset, and he had to take out more than two dozen people? For what? For general principal? Why? What does it accomplish to kill EVERYBODY you saw?

And, what, we can't even send kids to college now? We gotta have them outfitted with bulletproof vests and shit? Whatever happened to the college campus as the "safe place," where parents from the inner city could send their kids off to get them off the streets and into a good environment?

I'm no Pollyanna, but I want to believe. I want to cling to the notion that human beings are inherently good, that when it comes down to it, we'll all help each other in a pinch. Events like this shake that belief, and makes me want to crawl under the covers and weep for the common sense of my fellow man.

Understand where I'm coming from: I was at the forefront of the Columbine High School shootings. That was almost eight years ago, and my emotions are still raw. What I witnessed has been sealed into my mind, and will likely stay there: Screaming, bloody kids running for cover, weeping parents, distraught law enforcement officials.

Who could forget that? It all came flooding back to me Monday, after seeing what Virginia Tech's campus was going through.

Many parents wanting a better life for their kids often dream of sending them to a secluded, serene college campus, where they'll get a good education and be protected from the elements of "the streets".

But what happens when a college campus becomes "the streets"?

Hip hop didn't create Imus

2007-04-15T19:02:00.000-05:00

I'm willing to admit that hip hop has issues. I know that rap is often crap. But I'm not going to go so far as to say that what Don Imus said he said because of hip hop music.

That's bullshit.

For one thing, hip hop is what it is: a genre of music. Yes, it's a sexist, homophobic genre of music, but that's what it is: Music. Now I'm not saying that music does not influence society. Clearly, it does. But I'm not writing Imus off as a victim of hip hop culture.

For another thing, this seems to be yet another example of a white person wanting to simply pass of their racist beliefs onto another group, namely, the group that they are racist against.

It's black people's fault that Don Imus is a racist?

I don't think so.

Fired

2007-04-12T19:17:00.000-05:00

So now he's a martyr. Don Imus has been fired by CBS. A lot of people have gotten what they wanted. Me included. But, to be honest, I've had a concern about this all week. I've been worried that firing him would, essentially, give even more fuel to the racist conservatives out there, many of whom hide behind the veneer of "free speech" when what they really want is "free hate." A case like Imuses only gives them more fuel and provides with with an even larger platform to rant on about their bs.

Imus is no martyr. What he said was racist. But now we're about to see an explosion of mofo's who jump on the conservative bandwagon, hooping and hollering about how this is yet another sign of the decline of "American" values.

Nappy-headed hos

2007-04-10T18:37:00.000-05:00

My question: Why do so many people listen to this fool from the get go? This clown has had everybody and they mama on his show, and I mean prominent everybody's and they prominent mamas. Yet, we're suddenly shocked when he says something foul?

So that raises the question: Why do we listen to Don Imus? And, why have we let this moron get away with so much for the last few decades?

I think it's because he's white, and he says what a lot of people think. He connects with people who think the same way he does, which is the majority of the country, unfortunately. I have no sympathy for this clown. He has pushed and pushed and pushed to the point where this was coming.

But why are so many calling him out when, ultimately, a lot of people agree with him? You have the so-called white liberals calling him out, but, at the same time, listening to his show while being awed by his message. I have heard that many celebrities have cancelled appearances on his show. But, would they have cancelled had he not showed his ass?

Who's right and who's wrong?

NAACP = National Association of Assbackwards Copped-out Punks

2007-03-24T17:19:00.000-05:00

I saw this one coming. Bruce S. Gordon, President of the NAACP, resigned last month. When he took over in 2005, I said to myself: "That bruh won't last."

Here's why I made that statement: Gordon is a hard core, no nonsense, business first, kind of guy. He came from the corporate world. He spent 35 years as a business man at various companies. He does not play.

The NAACP, meanwhile, has been stuck in the 60s for decades. The organization is old school, old school, old school. They CLAIMED they hired Gordon because they wanted a business guy to come in and clean house and move the organization forward.

But, that's not what they wanted. They wanted a tool. The NAACP wanted a guy who, like the organization itself, was stuck in the past. They wanted a successful, educated guy who was a businessman on the surface, but deep down was an "old school bruh" who would do nothing but obey.

The problem with that thinking is that the NAACP's way of handling their business is - at best - trifling. As someone who has covered the NAACP for stories, trust me when I say they are disorganized: Barely returns phone calls; Ignores emails, the whole gamut. It's a shame.

On top of that is the irony: this is the same organization that's forever struggling with recruiting younger generations.

According to the Associated Press, here are a few of Gordon's accomplishments during his short tenure:

He smoothed strained relations between the NAACP and the White House, meeting with President Bush three times in less than a year.
He used his corporate ties to lend quick assistance to black New Orleans residents after Hurricane Katrina.
he hired a number of key national employees whose reputations inspired staff members

Clearly, Gordon was all business. But I suspect that the NAACP didn't care about any of that, that the 65-member board of directors (Alright, what kind of company or organization has such a large board?????) only cared about someone who would "keep it real."

The problem is, in the middle of keeping it real, the organization, as well as the Black Agenda, suffers.

Sometimes, keeping it real involves hard choices.

Apologies for the delay

2007-03-24T17:16:00.000-05:00

My bad on the huge delay on posts. It's been a crazy-ass six weeks. I'm caught up in house hunting drama, and it's an almost all-consuming experience, as some of you know. Don't give up on a bruh. I promise to post more regularly.

Speaking of which, peep the above post about the NAACP...

"Nigger"

2007-02-25T14:39:00.000-06:00

So I'm having lunch with a friend at Spaghetti Warehouse the other day. I go into the restroom. Like most bathrooms, where was grafitti on the stalls. But one word caught my eye:

Nigger.

Someone etched - with a knife or the edge of a key, I'm guessing - the word nigger in the metal wall containing the stall. I went back and mentioned it to the waiter, who apologized and said he'd take care of it. Then, a few minutes later, the manager comes over and apologizes and said they'd take care of the word, "We'll probably paint over it or something. We'll get rid of it."

Besides the obvious metaphor about "painting over" racial issues as if they're no big deal, I'm wondering why the manger didn't pick up our meal. I wasn't EXPECTING it, but it would have been nice, and would have been a nice gesture. It's not about asking for something for free, it's about hooking up a customer after a jarring experience.

Also, it reminded me that, yet again, even though this is the year 2007 and this is the 4th largest city in the United States, there are racist fools everywhere.

Damn a Grammy

2007-02-11T15:24:00.000-06:00

I honestly don't care about the Grammy Awards. I used to. Way back when. But, I don't anymore. I think it's a function of me getting older and thus being more discriminatory in my tastes. Most music these days suck.

I know, I know. I sound like an old man. I sound like my parents. But, hell, it's true.

Rap is a joke.
Hip hop is dull.
And what has happened to R&B?

The mainstream media doesn't help. It's YEARS behind trend, and often miss the boat. Remember a couple of years ago, when several rap albums and songs won Grammy Awards? All the headlines and news stories were like, "Rap Comes of Age" and "Rap goes mainstream."

Please. Rap was mainstream years ago, long before being coronated by the elite media.

But I digress. I won't be watching the Grammys. Period.

Control your damn kids

2007-01-29T22:12:00.000-06:00

I still can't get over the story of the family that was kicked off an airplane because their child had a tantrum. I'm not shocked that the child had a fit. Kids do that.

No, I'm tripping about the parents. They're pissed that Air Tran kicked them off the flight.

I'm with the airline. The child was kicking and screaming and hiding under seats and refusing to take her seat before takeoff. The parents apparently kept saying that the child "needed more time" to calm down.

Hell, how much "time" did she need? Was the pilot supposed to hold up the entire flight schedule so that little heffa could "calm down"? Was Air Tran supposed to screw up its entire flight plan for the entire country because little Elly Kulesza could decide when SHE wanted to take off? Come on, now. She's 3.

My mother would occasionally carry a belt in her purse whenever she took me and my brothers and sisters out, just in case. And, if she didn't have a belt and we acted like fools, we'd have Andrew Senior to deal with when he got home from work. That's not child abuse. That's discipline.

I agree with this piece from MSNBC. If we don't teach kids how to behave in public how will they act as adults?

Should we have just let the little brat calm down for as long as she wanted?

Hell naw. Bump that. We should remember the following equations:

Child = 3
Parents = grown.
Solution = what my parents did when I acted out in public - beat her ass.

Sambo

2007-01-26T23:06:00.000-06:00

So I'm on my way to meet friends for Margaritas. I pull up to the restaurant. In front of me was a truck. I was talking on my cell while driving, but I couldn't help but notice the word printed on the truck's license plate.

Sambo.

The guy pulls to the curb, parks, and gets out. I pull up behind him, and park. Our restaurants were opposite each other. He was a big, white-haired white guy that looked like he was still pissed about The Civil War. A friend of his came out to greet him, and they talked for a minute. The friend walks back in, and the guy in the truck lingers, taking stuff out of his truck (it looked like he was changing his shoes or something).

I almost - almost - left it alone and went about my business.

But, I couldn't help it.

Sambo?

"Excuse me," I asked.

"Yes, sir?" he replied.

I told him I noticed his license plate and was wondering what it meant.

"Oh. My name is Sam," he said, "And growing up, people called me Sambo, and they called me that as an adult and it just stuck."

Silence.

Me: "Oh. Just curious. Because to black folks Sambo means something totally different, and I was just wondering."

He laughed. "Oh, no. I get that a lot. Trust me. There's nothing pejorative meant in the name on the plate. That's just my nickname."

Ok, just curious, I said. "Thanks."

"Take care," he said.

To be fair, he seemed like a genuine guy, so I can only take him for his word. But, this is Texas. You don't know what you're going to run into at any given moment. Even in major cities like H-town, big, racist mutherfuckers are everywhere, waiting for their chance to show their shit. Maybe a confident black man questioning a big white guy was not a good idea. I suppose I could have gotten my ass kicked (he was a big mofo) or gotten my head blown off by one of the myriad guns I assumed he kept in the back of his truck.

But, I didn't give a damn. I wanted to know. Had the right to ask. After all: we won the war.

"Our credit limit with the world is endless..."

2007-01-25T23:07:00.000-06:00

Real estate is a monster. It's competitive. It's rough. And it can really piss you off.

I bid on a house this week. A fucking awesome house. And it was a steal, because the buyers were relocating. It was my first time bidding on a house.

This house was da shit. Trust me. Some of you have seen the photos. The photos didn't do the place justice. I dreamt of this house. I cancelled vacations to Mexico and Central America because of this house. I was willing to shell out $2000 to break my apartment lease for this house.

I got outbid. This was AFTER I upped my offer by nearly $20,000 within a matter of hours. I was a pissed Negro. But, after my girl Jemele pointed out, the shady-ass realtor/buyer knew she had a great house and was trying to start a bidding war between me and another buyer.

The irony is, I could have easily afforded the full asking price. Hell, more. But, based on the location, I felt that the offer I submitted was fair. That, and I was trying to be all Donald Trump. But, I made one mistake that Trump would never make: I got emotionally attached to the property, which is a big mistake.

BUT, as a co-worker said, How can you NOT get emotionally attached to a house? It's where you're going to LIVE. Hell, that's personal!

I swear, I've been stressed before, but submitting a bid, then having it rejected, then having it rejected again, then calling my mortgage broker and keeping him on standby, then calling the insurance company for a quote on homeowners insurance, then scrambling for a private inspector was a pain in the ass.

As childish as it sounds, I kinda felt like I deserved a kick-ass house. I work my ass off. I don't live extravagantly. My credit is good. I have almost zero credit card debt. I don't have a car payment. I'm not a clothes whore. My one luxury is travel, and even when I do that, I do it for cheap. So, I feel like I've been a good boy, and that I should have been rewarded for a tight-ass house with a ton of equity to start building wealth.

Childish, I know. But that's how I felt.

Then, Steve, who was trying to cheer me up and let me know that there are other houses out there, responded with this: "Our credit limit with the world is endless..."

Deep. And he's right. Life goes on.

Ego

2007-01-17T20:59:00.000-06:00

Lately, I've been musing about the importance of ego. Ego is important. In everything we do. In work. In life. In personal relationships. If you don't have an ego, you are screwed.

Taken deeper, I'm talking about self esteem. Look, if you don't think highly of yourself, no one else will. Cliche? No. The truth.

I'm not talking about being a prick. Being rude, mean and nasty isn't the answer. Shit, I'm also a firm believer in Karma. Being mean and nasty to other people will come back on you.

But I'm talking about ego: a solid, healthy belief that what you are doing, and who you are, is important.

Sometimes, we forget that.

Seeing them suffer

2007-01-07T14:19:00.000-06:00

My boy Steve said something really profound when I was down in Sarasota visiting him the other week. It was so deep (and yet hilarious) that I can't get it out of my head. We were relaxing on the beach, having a few beers, and talking about covering hurricanes.

Steve is a reporter, and said he enjoys covering hurricanes. I asked him why.

"Because I like to see rich white people struggling with real-life issues," he said. "Oh, so you have no water? Boom. OK. What, oh, you're stressed out and have no electricity? Boom. OK, what else?"

Damn. He has a point. And it got me to thinking about how we handle adverse situations. I have seen, time after time, rich people get upset and bent out of shape over small, seemingly non-important situations. For example, there was a situation here in Houston a few years ago where people in a neighborhood were trying to save a tree. They were serious about it. They didn't want the tree knocked down, which is what the city wanted to do.

They organized. They protested. They chained themselves to it. That's all good. I'm a pseudo-environmentalist. I like trees. More important, I like hell-raising.

But. These fools went so far as to say they were willing to mortgage their homes to save the tree. That's where I stop. No way in hell I would ever do such a drastic step just to save a tree. But these people were perfectly willing to do so.

And did I mention that this was a fairly well-off neighborhood?

I agree with Steve. It's not that I like to see people struggle. It's just that rich people's "struggles" are so far removed from those of us working class folks that it's surreal to see what they get upset about.

But, I suppose that's what happens when you don't have to worry about paying the electric bill. Must be nice.

Not the flight attendant

2007-01-04T01:23:00.000-06:00

Ok, this is a new one. I rolled to the Florida coast over New Year's weekend. Was treated like a king by my boy, Steve and his girl, Michelle. Real cool peeps.

My flight out of Houston was delayed on the runway because of a storm. They started the movie and gave us peanuts, but they wouldn't serve booze, which pissed me off. While I was stretching my legs near the back of the plane, a guy walks towards me and is like, "Can I get a Cranberry Juice?" I'm like, "I'm not a flight attendant." He goes, "Oh, well, you look like one. You look like you're in charge. Ha ha."

Ha ha my ass. For one thing, I wasn't "dressed" like a flight attendant. I was wearing a red silk shirt, black slacks and black shoes. Work attire. The flight attendants were all wearing uniforms, dark uniforms at that. Most of them were wearing blazers with patches on them. How the hell did I possibly look like a flight attendant?

The lead flight attendant was a black male, but he was heavier and dark-skinned. We didn't look anything alike. The funny thing is, I'm not shocked that a white person mistook me for another black man, even though we didn't look anything alike. It's happened a million times before. I'm just surprised that it was on an airplane. That's a new one.

A big-mouthed moose

2006-12-28T21:56:00.002-06:00

"Rosie's a loser. She's been a loser always."
- Donald Trump

I agree with Trump. Rosie is a loser. I used to like her ass. She was cool back in the day: Alternative, edgy, off-center. But over the last several years she's become - in the apt words of Jimmy Kimmel - "a big-mouth moose."

This whole conflict between them is a trip. Who cares what Rosie thinks?

I don't know if it's coming out of the closet that has done it to her. I'd like to think not. But, she's morphed into a stereotypical, loud-mouthed, chip-on-her-shoulder, overly butch, lesbian. And I don't say that as an offensive to lesbians, obviously. I know a few lesbians that are cool people.

I honestly don't think it's a lesbian thing with her. She's just an annoying wench, period.

Old School parents

2006-12-27T14:28:00.000-06:00

Flint, Mich. - My parents are Old School. As hip and progressive as they can be (or like to think they are) they're pretty much like any other parents: set in their ways.

To wit:

* They don't have a dishwasher. They still hand wash every...single...dish. Claim that they don't trust dishwashers, whatever that means. I didn't know inanimate objects could be trusted. Now, this brother can't live without a dishwasher. I've rejected apartments because they lacked them. I hated washing dishes as a child, almost as much as I hated cutting grass. Andrew and Earnestine have decided - despite years of protests by me and my brother - that they don't need one of those contraptions. "I like washing my own dishes," my mother said, slopping suds around in the sink.

* They don't have air conditioning. Do not adjust your computer screen. This is not a mis-print. Their reasoning: It doesn't get hot enough in Michigan to need it. That, as anyone who has ever been in The Mitten for the summer knows, is bs. It gets hot. Africa hot. Granted, the heat doesn't stick around for half the year like it does in Texas, but the intensity is just as bad. My parents also argue that because of the design of the house - the family room being hidden in the back, the front of the house facing West - the house keeps itself cool, for the most part. There is a bit of truth to that. Still, there's a reason why I refuse to come home in the summer.

* They still have dial up Internet. This is just trifling times 10. Andrew Sr. gets free AOL from his job. Alright. But high speed doesn't cost THAT much more. It wouldn't kill them to splurge for the extra $25 per month to upgrade to dial up. It's hell trying to do this blog from their computer, which is why I'm doing it right now from a Starbucks. Of course, if they DID upgrade to high speed Internet, they would have trouble, because...

* They still use Windows 98. You read that right. Not Windows 99. Not Windows XP. They are still using Windows 98. The other day I tried to pull something up using adobe acrobat, and I couldn't because their version of Windows is so outdated.

Reason number 876,99619,99817 why I left Colorado

2006-12-23T02:30:00.000-06:00

NBA brawls and airline hypocracy

2006-12-21T00:46:00.000-06:00

I lost interest in the NBA years ago, so the big brawl that happened between the Denver Nuggets and the New York Nicks didn't really concern me. Millionaires fighting. I really didn't give a damn.

But after hearing that Northwest Airlines was removing its in-flight magazines because this month's issue featured a profile of Carmelo Anthony, I just laughed.

Northwest claims they didn't want to be associated with an athlete that was violent.

First of all, no athlete is squeaky clean. Hell, if Northwest had that policy they would NEVER have ANY athlete in their magazines.

Secondly, what does the Denver-New York fight have to do with Northwest? Not a damn thing. So they should stay out of it.

Third, have you flown Northwest lately? Worst airline in the country hands down. It's the only airline that charges for food, the only airline that, after passengers check their luggage, sometimes - instead of, oh, I don't know, PUTTING THEIR LUGGAGE ON THE PLANE - will just say fuck it and pile luggage behind the counter (True story. Happened in Detroit last winter). Northwest is the same airline that sent a list to employees who were about to be laid off advising them on how to cut costs. One of the suggestions: Use old newspapers for cat liter.

Drama on Mount Hood

2006-12-18T22:40:00.000-06:00

A co-worker asked: "Should I feel guilty for asking who is going to pay for this rescue up on Mt. Hood?"

Well, no. I think it's a legit question. The co-worker went on to say that the climbers knew the risks, and wondered why the wall-to-wall world coverage was necessary.

My issue about the Mt. Hood Drama is this: Why do people climb mountains?

Now, I've heard that reaching the top of a major peak can be an almost spiritual experience. I've heard and read that reaching the literal mountaintop and looking down on the rest of the world is a surreal moment that can't be matched by anything else.

Ok, but...why? When I lived in Colorado I never went skiing. Sometimes, I regret it, until I remember all the stories: Clowns playing football on skis and are surprised when they get decapitated; fools thinking they were at the Olympics rolling down the mountains at 50 miles per hour and breaking legs.

As beautiful as the mountains are, they can be menacing and dangerous.

The family of Kelley James, one of the climbers found dead on the mountain, said that when he climbed mountains, he felt at peace and closer to God. That's why he did it.

That's all good, and I'm all for seeking whatever provides internal peace.

But, sometimes, it's just not worth it.

$90 worth of beer and wings

2006-12-17T10:56:00.000-06:00

Met a couple of buddies out for beer and wings Saturday night. We watched the Cowboy-Falcons game. Buddy number two was late, so it was basically me and buddy number one, shooting the shit for a few hours and drinking and eating wings. Had a good time.

Later, the bill came. It was $90.

Now, ya'll know I like to have a good time. When I'm in the zone, I start swiping the credit card left and right. I am the king of "put it on my tab."

But...when I emerged from my drunken coma this morning, I was like: How in the hell does two people consume $90 worth of beer and wings?

Damn.

Ok, Ok, I'll keep blogging

2006-12-17T09:52:00.000-06:00

Damn. Yall love this blog, huh? Yet another friend who I haven't heard from in a while was like, "Well, I thought I could keep up with you via your blog, but I guess that wasn't the case." He said he got sick of seeing Terrell Owens.

Well, damn. I didn't know I had a fan club. Quite honestly, not many people posted, so I wasn't sure if it was worth blogging. But, I see that's not the case. And, shit, sometimes I don't have anything to say, you know?

But, this brings up another issue: If someone is trying to keep up with me, why not just pick up the phone and give me a shout, or shoot me an email? It got me to thinking about how we as human being communicate. That's one reason I hate text messaging. It takes SO DAMN LONG to send a message. In the time it takes to send a text message I could have easily dialed the person I was trying to reach and talk to them.

Sue the bastards, but keep your name

2006-12-09T17:10:00.000-06:00

My boy JB has been on my ass about updating this blog. OK, OK, my bad. I'll do better (I know I've promised that before. But I will).

Anyway...

This is bugging me. And I don't know why. It shouldn't. But it does. Nicole Paultre wants to legally change her name to reflect the name of her dead fiancee, who, we all know, was killed when a group of NYC police officers lost their damn minds and got all Michael Richards a few weeks ago. She wants to change her name, she says, to have the same name as that of the children she bore with him.

Awwww!

But, hold up. I'm not buying it. Not to sound crass (well, it's going to sound crass anyway, but I don't care) but, my bet is that she wants to cash in on having his last name. I'm sure some PR person, or even Rev Al, told her she could possibly milk this for years if she had his last name.

Cynical? Yep. But this doesn't feel right.

I'll buy that she kept the wedding ring he gave her because she wanted something he'd bought for her. I'm sure that ring will be very important to her for years to come. But I'm not sure taking his name was done mainly out of sentimental reasons or even to have the same name of her kids.

I'm not trying to be insensitive or crass. But I've seen genuine crime victims morph overnight from warm, devastated citizens to money-grubbing, attention-seeking media freaks. Does she deserve money from the NYC police department? Yep. She should sue the hell out of them.

But this bruh ain't buying the reasons she changed her name.
Taking bets on when the book/movie deal will be announced.

$25 million reasons to live (i.e. how to say some dumb shit)

2006-09-30T13:59:00.000-05:00

The plan was to comment on the Terrell Owens saga and what a buffon he has become. But, I read my girl Angry Black Bitch's take on the matter, and decided to just defer to her. Check out her take on what TO's weave-wearing-ass publicist said.

No longer his boo

2006-09-17T13:29:00.000-05:00

We all thought Whitney and Bobby would be one of those ultra-ghetto couples. Yall know what I'm talking about: One of those couples that, despite being ghetto as all get out, somehow manage to stay together. Ultra-ghetto couples have a pattern: They argue, fight, call the police, separate, get back together, fuck, then proclaim to the world they are in love. Then, a few weeks later, they do it all over again.

Ultra-Ghetto couples have 911 on speed dial. Ultra-ghetto couples usually have everybody and they mamma up in their business, calling relatives and uncles and great nephews with their problems. They don't realize that most people drawn into the Ultra-Ghetto Couple universe are laughing at them and taking bets on how long they'd stay together.

I'm geeked that Whitney dumped his sorry ass. Maybe now she can get off the crack and go back to being the performer she used to be. Yeah, I'm a Whitney Houston fan. Or, I used to be. She was the shit back in the day, back before she decided she just had to have a bad boy, back before the weed be talking to her and she decided that crack was "wack."

It was actually Jemele who convinced me that Whitney and Bobby were an Ultra-Ghetto couple. I had been waiting for a break-up for years when Jemele pointed out that it probably wasn't going to happen. I had come to the painful realization that she was probably right, and the chances that I'd get my girl Whitney back were slim. Jemele is apparently mourning this break up on her blog. I will agree with her on one thing: Whitney and Bobby were entertaining, in a train-wreck-sort-of-way.

But now, hell, I guess anything is possible. But I guess it depends on whether Whitney is too far gone on the drugs to get her shit together and make a somewhat decent comeback.

I hope that rehab be talking to her.

A negro, not a greek

2006-09-08T23:43:00.000-05:00

In recently talking to a cool cat I just met, he asked me: "What are you?"

"A writer."

"No, brotha, you a Kappa?"

"Naw, bro."

"So you an Alpha, then."

"Naw."

"So what are you?"

"Nothing."

"You didn't pledge?" he said, stunned.

"Naw, bro."

"Oh, so you're independent???"

"Yep."

The conversation ended soon after that.

My boy JB once said that the black greek system was one of the worst things to ever happen to black people.

I agree.

So these mofos just hate EVERYBODY, huh?

2006-09-03T17:08:00.000-05:00

Do Klansmen have nothing better to do? These mofos need a hobby. Or a woman. Or something better to do. I mean, damn. This story tripped me out. They hate blacks, jews, gays, Latinos and immigrants.

Somebody need to tell their sorry asses to pick up a damn history book. Fools act like they were the first one's up in this piece.

"New South" my ass

2006-09-03T08:33:00.000-05:00

Atlanta - So I'm in the ATL for a long Labor Day weekend getaway. I'm at a nice hotel in Midtown. More than 90 percent of the hotel staff is black which, at first, I thought was cool.

But you know what? I've gotten some of the worst service I've ever gotten in my life. I travel quite a bit, and I know good service when I see it. I have not gotten it here. The valet guys ignore me when I pull up in my rental car. I just had breakfast and the hostess damn-near sat me in the kitchen. I had to BEG the waiter for more orange juice, and then had to BEG him for a pen to sign my receipt.

These are some serious player-hatin-ass negroes up in the ATL.

What's wrong with us?

No time for a Thank You

2006-08-27T11:36:00.000-05:00

This keeps happening: I hold open a door for someone, and they just walk through, not saying a word. It happened twice in the last few days, and it just happened a few minutes ago, as I was entering the neighborhood coffee shop where I write this.

Each time it's happened, I've always said - loud enough for the woman to year - "You're welcome." Each time she turned and was like, "Oh, Thank you."

Now, here's the question: Am I wrong for expecting a "Thank you"? Do my actions constitute rudeness?

I say no. Sure, some people are so distracted with their next task or destination that they're focused solely on that. But, I maintain that the same sensory nerves that tell them that they have to push open a door to walk out of a room still apply when they realized that they DIDN'T HAVE to push open a door to walk out of a room.

In other words: No excuses. You know damned well that somebody just opened the door for your ass. You're not Casper The Friendly Ghost. You didn't just float through the door, and the door didn't just open. Thus, someone opened it for you.

So say "Thank you."

Getting her Lotto on

2006-08-24T18:07:00.000-05:00

Peep this clueless bitch: She stole more than $2 million from her bosses. For what? Lottery Tickets.

Yes, this idiot thought she could get away with swiping millions of dollars. According to the story, she used the money to buy lotto tickets. She actually, seriously, believed in her heart of hearts that she would win the lotto.

Quietly, this brings up another issue. Don't we all know somwone who swears up and down that THEY are going to win the lotto, and spend a fourth of their salary buying tickets? It's funny how every one of us are convinced that we are going to be the lucky mofo that's going to win.

I believe in faith and persistence, but this is going a bit too far. Though, to be honest, I did just read that the Mega Millions jackpot just hit $60 million.
Shiiiit, let me run and buy five cash option tickets right fast...

Fools on a plane

2006-08-23T13:52:00.000-05:00

Why are fools still losing their minds on airplanes? Today, 12 people were arrested after acting out on a Northwest jet that had just left Amsterdam. A couple of weeks ago, it was morons planning to blow up to jets headed to the United States from London.

Here's the question here: Do fools still think that, after 9/11, they can still get away with random jet tricks? Perhaps they're trying to exploit a weakness in the system, hoping that, eventually, we will all become comfortable and lazy again, and forget about terrorism?

All I know is this: In this day and age, with people busy and trying to get to where they need to go, most people are not trying to put up with fools on a plane.

I'm impatient. When I travel, I like to get where I'm going. If someone wants to get all terrorist on a flight my black ass is on, they will get a beat down that rivals anything they may have gotten from their parents as a child.

What if Tom Cruise were black?

2006-08-22T21:28:00.000-05:00

So Paramount is finally admitting what the rest of us have known. Tom Cruise is out his damn mind. They're calling him out, saying he's, um, not quite right. They're yanking his contract, basically calling him a psycho. Can't say I blame them, really. Tom has been a joke for the last few years. For one thing, he keeps playing the same roles over and over and over again.

For another thing, isn't it funny how he's only dating someone when he has a new movie out? Tom can be "asexual" for years, but when he has a new movie coming out he suddenly head over heals in love with whatever heffa he has run into.

But here's my question: What if Tom Cruise were black? Would he be given the same leeway for crazyness? Hell no. He probably would have been shut down the minute he jumped on Oprah's couch. Or, shit, they probably would have ran his ass out of Hollywood the minute he started talking about Scientology. Can you imagine Will Smith getting away with telling Brooke Sheilds that she was "weak" for not doing natural child birth?

John Karr: Who gives a damn?

2006-08-21T18:08:00.000-05:00

No joke. Who? Don't mistake: The death of a little girl is a big deal. As is the supposed capture of her killer. But, did we have to hear every detail of Karr's flight to the United States?

I was in Indianapolis for a convention last week, and as I was getting dressed in my hotel room before a presentation, MSNBC came on with a "breaking news bulletin about that Thai airways jet" they mentioned earlier. I was like, "Oh shit. Did a plane crash when a nigga was in the shower?"

No.

The "breaking news" was that Karr was sitting in business class and had fried prawns for dinner.

It's bad enough that I have issues with the coverage of Jon Benet Ramsey's murder case (another blog), but the last thing I need is to hear about what every thing the suspected murderer did when he was on his extradition flight.

And, I'm tripping that this clown was in business class. My black ass can barely afford coach in most cases, and he gets BC? Crime pays.

Would Theo and Vanessa have become crackheads?

2006-08-14T02:01:00.000-05:00

I didn't get The Memo.
Did ya'll get The Memo?

You know what memo. The memo that stated that Bill Cosby and Michael Dyson knows how to solve Black America's issues. You know: Poverty. Unemployment. Racism. Health issues.

Those.

Here we go again. Bill Cosby made some somewhat controversial comments and, yet again, some folks ain't happy. Michael Dyson, a man who I think is a genious and one of the most focused social commentators and sociologists in the country, has not been happy with Cosby since he made his first controversial remarks a couple of years ago, and sure as hell wasn't pleased with the brotha after some recent comments in Washington, D.C.

Basically, Cosby wants black folks to have more personal responsibility, to focus on our issues in our own homes and within ourselves. Which is essentially what he's always said.

Dyson has called Cosby out for simplifying a very complex issue. He feels that black people have to deal with racism (something that they have no control over), and that Cosby is being irresponsible.

I think they're both right.

Let's keep it real. There is some truth to what Cosby is saying. Black people need to get our shit together, need to stop buying our kids $150 shoes and worrying about to whom Kanye West is engaged. I know people who spend more time analyzing Beyonce's weave than their own damn bank statements. When was the last time any of us volunteered for a cause, spent time with young kids in high schools, or provided a bit of guidance to a young person who needs help? Hell, I'm guilty my damn self.

But it's simple to say "Just be good and life will work out." It won't. Shit happens. Life happens: Racism. Sexism. Homophobia. Age-ism. Class-ism. There are things we just can't control. That's what Dyson is saying, and I agree to a large extent.

This isn't an either-or issue. It's not a pick sides kind of fight. There are things here that need to be discussed and debated, and I'm glad that's being done.

But, hell, everybody is so busy calling each other out that they're missing what the other side is saying. Maybe the only reason they can communicate is by writing memos.

Memo to Bill: It's not that simple.

Memo to Michael: It's not that complicated.

Memo to Black People: Turn off BET.

This mofo blog lives: Black by popular demand

2006-08-13T14:47:00.000-05:00

Yes, a negro is back. And Black.

Been busy. Doing what, I don't remember. Work. Life. Shit. But I've neglected this blog like George Bush has neglected domestic policy: pathetically. My bad. This blog lives. Don't give up on a negro. This will be updated regularly. Not every few months, but every day, sometimes a few times per. I've realized that a blog is a living, breathing entity that must be fed with the personality of whomever owns it. I guess.

Yes, a negro is back.
Let's get this party started....

1) Some clowns in London were going to blow up two planes headed for the United States. Here's my thing: Why? What's the point? Ok, they blow up the planes and get their names in the paper. And? THEN what? Were they expecting a damn book deal? An appearance on Oprah? What was the goal here, other than murder and mayhem? And now they got caught.

2) Fidel Castro's brother took over Cuba. Apparently, F Dog is recovering from surgery, and for now Raul will be the boss. A Negro has a question: Who is going to take seriously someone named Raul? No offense to those with that name, and, I actually think it's somewhat of a cool name. But not for a dictator that's supposed to rule by fear. RAUL? Who is going to be afraid of someone with the name Raul? It sounds like the name of a stripper.

3) A Negro is obsessed with the Food Network. I can't get enough of that stuff. The other day I was watching "Restaurant Makeover" and was damn year yelling at the tv. I wonder why Alton Brown goes through so much stuff just to cook (though, Alton is my dawg, though). Maybe this is a later blog topic, but I've heard that the fastest growing demographic for the Food Network is single men in their 30s. Speaking of which...

4) A Negro just turned 34. More on this later, but it's amazing how time flies. I mean, damn, didn't I just celebrate my 21st birthday last week????

Random poison is not funny

2006-02-25T22:08:00.000-06:00

A student at UT was doing laundry and opened up a roll of quarters. She saw a strange powder inside. Turns out that it was ricin, and she was rushed to the hospital The dorm was shut down, and police are investigating.

The girl got the roll of quarters from her mom, who said she got it from a bank. The bank is now closed, and everyone trying to figure out where the hell this stuff came from.

Here's my thing: Did someone think it would be cute to create ricin and put it in a roll of quarters? Did they think they were being funny? This reminds me of a few years ago during the Anthrax scare. Remember how Anthrax was suddenly showing up everywhere? It still boggles my mind that a human being would take to time to actually acquire - or make - a DEADLY POISON, insert it into envelopes and rolls of quarters, and give it to somebody.

Memo to my fellow human beings: Random poison is not funny.

That weed be talking to me

2006-02-21T00:13:00.000-06:00

Are we supposed to fee sorry for Ricky Williams? In case ya'll haven't heard, this fool failed YET ANOTHER drug test. Word on the street is that this may not be weed, but something else. Oh, so Ricky been doing a little something stronger than weed?

Here's my thing: Ricky need to go sit down. I'm all for wanting to be zen and smoke weed or do whatever floats your boat. But he need to stop pretending that he ISN'T a drug head. If you want to do your thing, do it and leave it at that. Quit frontin.

Of course, we all know the only reason Ricky came back to the NFL was because the Dolphins were about to sue his ass for the $8 million he owned them. Sitting in the woods mediating is cool, but it's a hard to do when you're broke as a joke. So, instead of giving all that money back to the Dolphins, Ricky came back to work, CLAIMING that he was done with drugs.

Yeah, ok. Like I said, I have no problem with him doing his thing. But he should at least be honest with his shit.

"Does she still wear that rag on her head?"

2006-02-20T14:07:00.000-06:00

A little bit of this, a little bit of that...

* So the same day the White House announces that they will seek approval to spy on us - AFTER admitting they've been doing it for years - Bin Laden announces on a tape that he will never be caught alive. Why is W so worried about whether or not I order extra sauce on my buffalo wings at Bw3 than he is at catching Bin Laden?

* The timing of this while thing smells funny. Oh yeah, SUDDENLY here come Bin Laden, releasing yet another DVD with a Directors Cut and deleted scenes. Every time you turn around this fool getting Tupac, releasing new tapes and videos. Why can't we find that fool?

* A friend of mine just got back from a super-cheap trip to the Bahamas. He was bragging because he got a week in the Bahamas - airfare and hotel - for about $500. Weeellll, like everything else, there was a catch. Or shall we say, several. For one thing, he had to change planes like 4 times. And each time had a lengthy lay over. Then, he had to take whatever seats were available, and was complaining because he ended up in the back of the plane with a couple of bratty kids. And this guy is an elite member on this airline. THEN, when he finally gets to the Bahamas...guess what? Yep, the cheap hotel he booked on priceline was a shithole: smelly room, stained sheets on bed, broken lamps, no hot water. The whole nine. He was not pleased.

* Bump that. I'd rather pay more to be comfortable. I want my guaranteed seat in row 6 on my flight. I was some assurances that roaches won't crawl out from under the bed in my hotel room.
* Erykah Badu put on a hell of a show here Saturday night. Tore it up. A friend of mine asked: "Does she still wear that rag on her head?" LOL.

Dick is dangerous

2006-02-15T21:47:00.000-06:00

See Dick.
See Dick hunt.
See Dick hunt with his boy.
See Dick hunt with his boy on a ranch.
See Dick hunt with his boy on a ranch in Texas.
See Dick hunt with his boy on a ranch in Texas and not pay attention.
See Dick shoot his boy.
See Dick say: "My bad."
Dick tried to cover it up. Then, when it was revealed what happened, he still didn't say much.

Dick, you see, doesn't feel that he has to answer to anybody. He is, after all, Dick.

And a dick.

But, eventually, the truth came out. Dick's secret was revealed.

Dozens of newspaper stories were written. Comics made fun of Dick. Columnists called him out. Everybody was wondering what was going on with Dick: Was he crazy? Is he arrogant? Is Alzheimers kicking in? Or is he just a dick?

Finally, Dick held a press conference. He had a major announcement: He shot his friend.

WASHINGTON (AP) - Vice-President Dick Cheney on Wednesday accepted full blame for shooting a fellow hunter and defended his decision to not publicly disclose the accident until the following day. He called it "one of the worst days of my life."

Gee, Dick, thanks for sharing.

See Dick.
See Dick struggle.
See Dick backtrack.
See Dick continue being what he's always been.
A dick.

Why BET - yet again - ain't s---t

2006-02-08T19:27:00.000-06:00

This entry was going to be about the loss of Coretta Scott King, about how the country said farewell to a strong, determined classy lady, a woman who lived through more than most of us can imagine.

But, instead, it's about BET. And why, yet again, BET ain't shit. Here is a letter posted on the Poynter media gossip web site. It's a blog that media types use as a reference to discuss the inner workings of the profession.

Here is an excerpt of a letter that caught my eye:

"...The three TV cable news networks are broadcasting the funeral services of Coretta Scott King. (Even DC's ABC affiliate is interrupting it's normal daytime programming.)

Upstart urban network TV One is broadcasting it live.

But Black Entertainment Television -- who has dramatically downsized its public affairs programming over the years -- is instead airing the "I'm On It" video by the Purple Ribbon All-Stars. Sure, you can go to BET.com and watch the streaming coverage, but has BET so committed itself to the hip-hop generation that there is no time to honor the individuals who worked selflessly to give them the opportunities they have?

I'm glad that the Purple Ribbon All-Stars are "On It." (I'm not quite sure what that "it" is.) Because BET is certainly not on this story. "

BET is certainly not on this story. As usual. Yet again, Black Entertainment Television dropped the ball. Yet again, they're too concerned with rump shaking videos than the death of a major American icon and human being. Yet again, a piece of ass gets more play than public affairs.

Look. I've heard all the arguments: BET is what it is and we shouldn't expect more from it. BET doesn't have an obligation to be socially responsible because they're a for-profit corporation. BET should be supported by black people because it's rare to have such a sizeable, influential, POWERFUL black corporation.

I don't buy any of that crap. We SHOULD expect more from BET. They DO have an obligation to at least TRY and present some decent broadcasting. If that powerful black corporation wants my support, then they've gotta present me with viewing options that I like. I'm a black, salaried, educated professional. I don't need - or want - to watch videos all day. I want shows that represent things I'm interested in.

Know what really sad in all this? BET doesn't have to be as triflin as it is. They are a billion dollar conglomerate, and have the wiggle room in their budget to make room for at least a few decent programs.

Instead, all they do is cut: They cut Tavis Smiley. They cut BET Tonight. Last year, they cut their news department all together, claiming that they were still committed to public affairs programming.

Yeah right. Reginald Hudlin, who directed some cool flicks like "Boomerang", took over as president of BET last summer. When he took over, he said that he and the network were committed to broadening BET's programming, ensuring quality.

We'll see. So far, they've bombed, and Coretta King's funeral was a major screw up. By the way they played it, I wondered if those running the network on that day even knew who Coretta Scott King was.

But, after thinking about it, I realized that of course they knew who Coretta King was.
They just didn't care.

"Anybody who doesn't like Oreo's isn't American"

2006-01-22T00:02:00.000-06:00

So I'm cruising down the cookie aisle in yuppie, overpriced grocery store when I see a couple standing around, having what looks like a serious conversation. Looks like it's getting deep. Like earrings are about to come off and 911 is about to be called. They looked like they were on some Whitney and Bobby stuff, for real.

Apparently they were discussing what kind of cookie to buy for some event.

Suddenly, Yuppie Boy is like: "Anybody who doesn't like Oreo's isn't American."

He said this with confidence. As a statement of fact.

Well, my black ass must not be American, then, cause I can't STAND Oreo's.

They suck. They taste dirt mixed with icing. I've always hated Oreos. As a kid, whenever I encountered an Oreo, (I think my older sister liked them, and we would have them in the house every now and then) I would always break them apart, lick out all the icing, and toss them.

This reminds me of a conversation that me and Jemele had while in Vegas. I'm sick of people looking at me like I'm crazy because I don't like shrimp. I know it may seem "unamerican" or whatever, but I just don't like it. Just like I don't like Oreos.

And don't get me started on the negative connotation Oreo's have in black culture. As most of us know, a person who is considered a "sellout" is often called an Oreo: black on the outside, white on the inside. It's a slur. And it's one that's often unfairly used. It was used to run my boy Dennis Archer out of Detroit when he was trying to turn that jacked up city around.

Not that there aren't clueless negros out there - Clarence Thomas, please stand up - but calling someone "white" on the inside is ridiculous, un-measurable and qualifies a human beings values (i.e. "white" values versus "black" values). There are no white or black values. We're individuals.

Anyway, back at yuppie overpriced grocery store, apparently Yuppie Girl was trying to convince Yuppie Boy to get a more "adult" cookie.

"Well, maybe we should get a cookie that wasn't made for 14-year-olds."

I'm with Yuppie Girl: grown people should not be eating Oreos.

Unless you're Clarence Thomas.

Negro Republicans

2006-01-09T22:25:00.000-06:00

Lynn, Lynn, Lynn. Thought you were cool, bro.

So Lynn Swan is running for governor of Pennsylvania. As a Republican. Well, ok then. If that's what floats your boat.

But let me toss this out there: I don't get black Republicans. Sure, I can understand someone being a "fiscal conservative". Shit, I'm conservative when it comes to money. In that context, I can see someone looking at the Republican party as the "money" party and, perhaps, aligning themselves with the party, based on similar (fiscal) beliefs.

But here's the problem: when you vote Republican - regardless of the reasons - you're also rubber-stamping their idiotic social policies. And, trust me, Republican Social policies don't give a damn about black people.

Or Hispanics. Or Asians. Or Gays and lesbians.

I have no problem with black people or any minority voting how they want. No one group is monolithic. However, we need to realize that, even if we're voting Republican for the "money" aspect, that doesn't mean we're going to benefit. Let's not forget: politicians in general don't like to share the wealth.

The GOP claims to want to reach out to minorities, but that's only because they see the inevitable changing demographics of the country. They want to reach out to us for the votes, but not share the money or the power.

Can we say South Africa?

Republicans are pimping us. Some people have said, "well, but Democrats have pimped us for years." True. And I don't hold out any expectations for Democrats, either. But, at the very least, I can align myself with some of their social policies and not feel guilty about voting for them.

I kind of see the Democratic Party as the lesser of two evils.

A nation of cold-hearted mofos?

2006-01-06T22:08:00.000-06:00

Myself and co-worker/friend Eyeder are eating lunch at a restaurant. There is a television turned to CNN...

Me: Damn, that coal mine disaster is a trip, ain't it?

Eyder: I guess. I don't get it.

Me: Don't get what?

Eyder: Why it's such a big deal.

Me: You don't think all those people dying is a big deal?

Eyder: Not really.

Me: What? All those people died.

Eyder: Yeah, I know. That's sad. For them. But I don't really care. How does it effect me?

Me: Well, directly, I guess not. But it's a major human drama. These are working class people.

Eyder: So? What does that have to do with me?

Me: Nothing directly, I guess. But, shit, don't you think it's sad that all those people died?

Eyder: But people die every day.

Me: The FUCK you talking about?

Eyder: I'm just saying, yeah, it's sad, but what does it have to do with me? I don't really care.

Me: You sound like another friend who didn't think the Space Shuttle crashing was a big deal.

Eyder: Oh THAT was a big deal.

Me: And this isn't?

Eyder: No.

Me: I guess we're going to have to agree to disagree.

Eyder: I'm just tired of all the coverage of it.

Me: Oookaaay, what dat got to do with it?

Eyder: It didn't happen near Houston, so, why is this a national story?

Me: Uh, because so many people died at once? It's a human story.

Eyder: So?

Me: Never mind.

I mean, damn, everybody obviously got the right to their own shit, their own way of seeing things, but I just don't see how someone could look at things like the mine tragedy and not be moved. It's like looking at Katrina and the aftermath and not giving a damn. I actually know someone who didn't think that the space shuttle crash from a few years ago was a big deal.

Like I said, to each his own, but, shit, what happened to the gentleness and thoughtfullness that was supposed to return after 911? Is it just me, or are we becoming a nation of cold-hearted mofos?

Law & Order's they NEED to make

2005-12-28T23:11:00.000-06:00

Law & Order is my shit. Love that show. At first, I was skeptical when they started making sequels and shit. All the subtitles and colons and actors had me confused. But I've finally gotten them figured out.

There was a fourth version, but they cancelled that after a few episodes. That got me to thinking about Law & Order's they need to make...

Law & Order: Showtime at the Apollo - Detective Bling and Special Agent Dateless White Woman probe a bunch of murders at the Showtime at the Apollo television show. Seems that someone is sick of hearing people sing Jennifer Holiday's "And I'm Telling you", and killing them. Also, an Apollo cast member - useless-ass Kiki Shepard - is being stalked...but no one cares.

Law & Order: Taking Home A Plate - Officers Weird Old White Man and Young Hip Hispanic travel around the country investigating random murders that happen during black family gatherings. They deal with stabbings over card games, shootings because Uncle Boo Boo took the last slice of sweet potato pie, and Monopoly fights over who gets Board Walk and Park Place.

Law & Order: Smile in yo face - Lawyers Shapeless Blond White Girl and Clueless Black Guy prosecute cases of passive-aggressiveness. Turns out a majority of their cases involve evil white people, all bosses, and sellout blacks.

Law & Order: What's all THAT fo? - Special Agent Rap-Guy-Turned-Actor and his new partner Simple-ass White Boy Rookie investigate cases of human beings who are simple and do stupid shit. A lot of their cases involve people who clown on airplanes and anything involving Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown.

Law & Order: Who'se the Daddy? - CSI Investigators Frizzy Haired Jewish Girl and Bitter Black Woman search across the country for the daddies of millions of out-of-wedlock babies. Their highest success rate is at NBA games. They also hit sperm banks, DNA centers, and nightclubs in cities with basketball teams, telling women to "wrap it up an have some self-respect".

Law & Order: Everybody Can't Cook - Some people are great cooks. Some people are horrible cooks. Usually, the people who are horrible cooks have no clue. That's where Officers Anorexic White Girl and Older Black Mamma come in. The duo goes around the country, preventing people from committing "foodicide."

What happens here, stays here. Right?

2005-12-21T23:49:00.000-06:00

Las Vegas - Here's my thing: How many hotels can they build? How many casinos and cheap drink bars and upscale clubs? How long until people figure out that Vegas is, at the end of the day, too much?

The answer: Hell, I don't care! I'm here to get my groove on!

You know you're in Vegas when...

1) A crimson-dressed church choir jumps on a float and cruises down the Strip, singing and telling people that Gambling is wrong and that you're going to hell.

2) Even the barber shops offer their customers a Heinken.

3) You walk the streets with booze...and even the cops looking at you like they want a sip.

4) You're always thinking, "But what's all THAT for?"

5) You drink ALL of the Courvoisier on the plane on the flight in (yes, Jemele actually did this).

6) Your mamma pray for you when she finds out you're going there.

7) You see $1 drink specials.

8) When they tell you "There is no Happy Hour here."

9) Everybody and they mamma want you to "put a bet in" for them.

10) The buffet's are packed...and it's not even right after church!

Drama in Las Vegas

2005-12-20T13:27:00.000-06:00

Las Vegas - I ain' t been here five minutes and a celebrity has already walked by. Ron Jeremy, the porn star, was just walking through the airport. I'm waiting for Jemele's flight to arrive from Minneapolis, and I'm sitting in Wolfgang Puck Express (why do restaurants create "express" versions in airports? The shit is too expensive either way).

Wolfgang Bartender is like "Did you see Ron Jeremy walk by?"

Wolfgang Chef is like, "Yeah, I saw him. He's gotten bigger over the years."

(For those that don't know, Ron Jeremy is a famous old-school porn star who got a bit chunky over the years.)

Anyway, Wolfgang Chef is like, "And he had a beautiful woman with him. How can that fat fuck get those women and I'm better looking than he is and I couldn't get a woman like that?"

Because: fame is an aphrodisiac. Most women would screw George Bush (senior) in a minute. And how do you think Star Jones got such an attractive husband? Because she's Star Jones. Most men would screw ANYTHING in a minute.

Only in Vegas baby! I'm finna get my PAR-TAY ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Every city has a rip-off

2005-12-06T13:09:00.000-06:00

Boston - Is it just me, or does every city have a rip-off. Ya'll know what I'm talking about. Every city has something - a service, a quirk, an unusual trait - that, in the end, is weird and a total rip off. I've been thinking about rip-offs during my visit here this week. Boston has a TON of rip-offs, and it made me think about how every city has them. Below are my quick list of rip-offs from various cities. Feel free to add on.

Washington, D.C.

1) Zoned cabs. Zoned cabs seem cool: you pay based on what zone of the city you're in, and only pay more if you cross zones. But, what if you have to go less than a mile - which would cost, say, $3 in a regular cab? If you happen to cross a zone in that mile, that same cab can cost you around $10. Rip-off.

Boston

1) When you order Chinese or Thai food at a restaurant, you have to pay extra for rice. They will not give it to you. They charge. Usually a dollar. Now, what kind of shit is that? Rice is the cheapest food staple around. It costs, what 50 cents to make a whole pot? So why do Asian restaurants here insist on charging for it? Doesn't make sense.

2) The coat check. This is a HUGE Boston scam. Basically, every place you go has a coat check. Malls. Clubs. Conventions. Now, that would be cool, if it were FREE. But these places usually charge $2 or $3 to hang your coat in a stanky closet with a bunch of other folks' musty coats. And, of course, given that it's Boston and cold as shit, most of these places are making serious cash.

3) The bus scam. Peep this: until a few months ago, riding the bus in Boston was .75 cents. The bus people wanted to raise the fare to $1. But, a lot of advocates for the poor protested, claiming that that was a 25 percent increase. So what did the bus people do? Raise the fare to 90 cents, instead. But here's the rub: most people are likely to have either quarters, or a dollar bill. (How many of us have exactly 90 cents in change?). So, guess what? If all you have is a dollar bill, you can still pay with that...but you won't get any change back! Rip-off!!!

Houston

1) Valet Parking. You go EVERYWHERE in Houston and there is valet parking. And, 9 times out of 10 (whatever that means!), the prices are high. So, in a city with a billion cars, you pretty much end up paying to park when you go eat bad Mexican food. Rip-off!!!

2) High property taxes. Don't even get me started. We have some of the highest property taxes in the country.

Orlando

1) Tolls. Orlando has toll roads EVERYWHERE. You can't even drive to the damn grocery store without going through a toll road. Total rip off.

Ok, what's your city rip-off? I know I've forgotten about Detroit (home of about a million rip-offs) and New York City. Add to the list. What small thing or quirk in your city usually ends up costing you more money?

We all look alike. Right?

2005-12-03T12:46:00.000-06:00

Boston - Heading up the escalator at the convention center here, a man stopped me.

"I just wanted to introduce myself. I saw your picture on the program guide."

"You did?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Why is my picture in the program guide? How did they get my picture?"

Realizing where this was going, the man got quiet, and turned somewhat red.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else."

"Ah, ok. No problem."

"Here, let me show you who I thought you were."

He opened the conference guide and pointed out one of the speakers, a black gentlemen much older, much darker skin and full beard. The man laughed.

"Ha ha. I thought you were this guy, but without the beard."

"I suppose."

"What's your name, again?"

Clueless. Just clueless. Why do white people insist that all black people look alike? I didn't look anything like this guy, and he saw a well-dressed black man at a conference, and thought it must have been the same guy. This has happened to me dozens of times. For the first two years of my current job, my coworkers kept getting me mixed up with two other black men in our office. And none of us looked anything alike. Then, when they were corrected - "No, I'm ANDREW, not ERIC" - they didn't act like it was a big deal.

The Bling politician

2005-11-29T23:26:00.000-06:00

Look at this fool. All upset because he got caught. This is U.S. Representative Randy "Duke" Cunningham, and he was just caught getting his bling on.

First of all, anybody with one of those middle nicknames in quotes can't be trusted. That means he's a simple-ass good 'ol boy who is sneaky as all get out.

Basically, this clown was caught accepting bribes. He got payments in cash, vacations, cars, and even had his house note paid. He got Persian rugs, antique furniture worth tens of thousands, use of a yacht, club fees and a Rolls Royce.

He resigned Monday, all teary-eyed and embarrassed.

Here's why this fascinates me: I'm amazed that there are politicians dumb enough to not cover their tracks? In this day and age, why would a fool take so much w/out making sure his shit was on the DL?

It also sort of feeds into the old-school view of politicans, that they're all crooked and corrupt. Once, as a teenager, I considered becoming a politician. I thought it was a noble calling and that I'd be helping people. Weeeeel, those were my naieve years. Clearly, by the time I reached college, my eyes had been opened: politicans ain't shit.

What do you guys think? Is is possible to be a politician and not be corrupt? Or are corruption and policy-making hand and hand? I think most of us would agree that politics, in general, requires some kind of deal making and compromising.

But how much compromise is too much? Is a politician a politician a politician?

$200 laptops and Walmart stampedes

2005-11-25T22:22:00.000-06:00

Random thoughts about shopping madness........

* Suddenly, we don't know how to act when we go to the store. Since when is it cool to just trample all over people? Have yall been watching all the tv coverage of the Walmart tramplings? There were major incidents in Grand Rapids and Orlando. The photo above is from Orlando. Apparently, one guy cut in front of another guy in line and...well...you know how we do. All hell broke loose.

* Here's my thing: they went through all that for a $200 laptop? First of all, what laptop cost $200? And even if there is one, it's probably a piece of crap. Last year there were massive tramplings over $100 tv's. Helllo, people. You get what you pay for. There is no reason to trample human beings over a cheap piece of junk.

* Since when did "the shopping day after Thanksgiving" morph into "Black Friday"? That's what everybody is calling it now. I understand that it's supposed to mean that it's a day when stores make money, and are therefore "in the black," but, well, it just makes me feel a bit uncomfortable.

* It's funny how people fight to the death when they go shopping, but don't bother to vote.

* One of the images from the Grand Rapids stampede was hilarious, though. One woman hit the ground, then her wig fell off. She laid there, calmly put her wig back on, jumped up and went running off. I wonder if she realize that's being played all over the country? Can you imagine your weave falling off and having everybody and their mamma see it?

Stop, thief!

2005-11-25T16:10:00.000-06:00

So I woke up this morning and went out to my car to drive to work. My window was all busted out. Glass everywhere. And a note from the police. With a number to call. Apparently the police had already come, gone and filed a report.

What they stole: my ash tray and my vehicle registration and insurance from the glove box. How weird is that? I guess since they couldn't steal the actual car, they were like, "I'm finna make sure this fool can't smoke anymore! Haaa haaa haaaa!!!!"

Criminals are clueless. Why go through all that and not steal the car? I know one thing, if I catch the fool that did it I'ma whup upside his head. I mean, my car isn't a BMW or anything, but it took time (nearly the entire day, forcing me to take a vacation day from work) and money ($162.38) to clean up after whomever did this.

Now, I know living downtown has some risks. I see homeless people around all the time. They've never really been a threat. We do have a secured parking garage that I normally use, but that's on the other side of the complex, and sometimes I don't feel like going through all that. So, whenever I can find a spot in front of my building, I grab it.

Criminals are a trip. I've had no problems in the two years I've lived in this complex, but as soon as a holiday rolls around, they go crazy. What is it about holidays that make a criminal go "Hmm, let me break into somebody car right fast"?

When this happened, for a brief minute I understood the mentality of suburbanites. Crime is the main reason they flee cities. They are less likely to have to worry about car break-ins than someone who lives in the city. For a minute, for a very brief minute, I got it, understood the way they think about urban living.

Then I thought about it some more. Suburbia: Blandness. Everybody looks the same. Every house looks the same. Strip malls. Chain restaurants. Commuting.

Ugh. I get hives just thinking about it.

I then snapped out of it, got my window fixed, and reaffirmed what I've always known: I'm a city boy.

I breathe, therefore I explain

2005-11-25T01:07:00.000-06:00

Why do I feel like I'm always explaining myself to people? To take it deep: why do I always feel like I'm explaining myself to white people?

At the end of the day, don't they owe an explanation to me? What's the counter-argument to this? "But Drew, we always have to explain ourselves to you, just as you explain yourself to us."

Please.

Know what trips me out the most? People who look at you like you crazy if you don't explain yourself to death. About everything!!!!!

Do I really need to explain to you that my parents are - yes - still married? And have been for more than 30 years? Why is that so surprising? Why are you so stunned that I actually went to college? And that my brother and sisters didn't go? Does that make me the good negro of the bunch?

Kill the antropology experiment. Quit trying to understand why we do the things we do. (You don't give a damn, anyway).

Obviously, not all white people are alike. Thank gawd. I've met some seriously cool white folks who, at the end of the day, are my best friends. (But, what's funny is, those same white folks agree with me about their own people!).

Yeah, ok. Look. I have no problem being all cool and shit, and I have no problem explaining myself to people who really, truly have an interest in figuring out what I'm about. If they're truly interested.

Ok rant over.
(Next blog: clueless-ass black folks)

Ya'll help Terrell, or yall going to hell

2005-11-19T03:38:00.000-06:00

Riddle me this: why is Jesse Jackson involved in the Terrell Owen's situation? Why isn't he someplace up in the government face, trying to figure out why they decided to send Katrina evacuees to Zimbabwe instead of leaving them in Louisiana? Why is he issuing statements and railing on behalf of a guy who, at the end of the day, is a millionaire who can take care of his damn self?

In short, why can't Jesse - just this once - shut the f---k up?

Now, hear me out. Jesse is my dawg. I'm a big fan. Always have been. If it weren't for him, the discourse on Civil Rights in this country would be almost non-existent. He's constantly out there pushing the agenda of the poor and voiceless, and for that I will always give him dap.

But, as we all know, sometimes Jesse need to shut the hell up.
Memo to Jesse: Terrell Owens is not an issue. He is a simple-ass, self-centered negro with no compassion. Worse case scenario for Terrell? He won't play for the Eagles. Arrogant as he is, he's talented, and will get another gig. Which means he'll, yet again, be paid millions. Which means he's not as needy as the people out there working hard and struggling to not get laid off. Those are the people that need prayer.

Aaron McGruder, the genius who draws The Boondocks comic strip and has the tv show, said in a newspaper interview a few weeks ago that the era of the black community rallying to a lone voice, a lone person, is long over. There are too many voices and different opinions in the black community for one person to represent us all. I agree.

I'm not playa hatin against another brother. I'm merely saying that Jesse got too much power and influence to be worried about Terrell Owens. Jessee, Terrell gon be ok. He won't be standing in line at the homeless shelter any time soon. Ok?

It's funny, because one thing my girl JHILL always says is that the FIRST thing black folks do when we get into trouble is call the preacher. It doesn't matter if we haven't been to church in decades. If something goes wrong, a press conference with a reverend ain't far behind.

Jesse is my dawg and all, but he need to spend his time trying help some real po' folks.

STILL sick of Harry Potter

2005-11-16T21:52:00.000-06:00

Earlier this year I wrote about how I'm sick of Harry Potter. The book was coming out, and clowns were running around town acting like the New Testament was about to be re-printed with a forward from God himself.

Now, we got THE DAMN MOVIE. All I been hearing about all week is Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter. A few people I know went to an advance screening last weekend, and all I've been hearing about is detailed analysis of the shit.

"Drew, what did you think of Harry Potter?"

"I didn't see it."

A long pause. A stare.

"You DIDN'T??? Why???????"

Uh, because, as Cedric the Entertainer said, "I'M a grown-ass man." I have no interest in seeing lil' kids flying around on brooms and shit. I'm all for embracing the inner child, but this is one time where I'ma have to sit it out.

I'm six books and four movies behind in the Harry Potter saga, and I don't give a damn.

White Power!

2005-11-13T22:45:00.000-06:00

These two heffas are a trip. Check out the image on the t-shirts: a grinning-ass Adolf Hitler. Great. Just what we need: two smiling, grinning teenage racists.
They're young singers who happen to sing about...race. Specifically, the White Race. And how great it is. Better than all the others. They call themsleves "Prussian Blue."
They've been all over the news the last few weeks, and 20/20 did a piece on them.
Here's my thing: Why? Or, as my girl jhill and I used to say all the time, "What's all 'dat fo?" But what's scary isn't necessarily the fact that they're racist. What's scary is that, clearly, they've been taught all that garbage by someone.
First of all, they were home-schooled. Which yet again reinforces my objection to home schooling: the kids may learn quite a bit and get intentive instruction, but they don't get any socialization with other kids.
Hence, we get two blank-faced, racist teenagers who are clueless about anything that goes on outside their little universe.

Could lil' Rex or Sparky be racist?

2005-10-05T22:14:00.000-05:00

Ya'll know I wouldn't normally reference stories from the wretched Detroit News, but this article was hilarious. It brings up an interesting question: can dogs be racist?

I did a little research and googled the phrase "racist dogs." This funny, yet thoughtful, piece a couple of years ago in Slate was interesting (peep the hilarous illustration).

I also happened to watch the "Curb Your Enthusiasm" episode mentioned in the Detroit News piece. It was hilarious, especially since Ghetto-ass Wanda Sykes was the one who thought Larry David's dog was racist.

From an intellictual standpoint, it's fascinating. Personally, I don't think dogs can be racist per se. Clearly they can't process information on the same level. However, I do think they react to noticable differences. Sometimes the differences can be skin tone. Sometimes, as the woman in the Slate piece pointed out, it can be a person's height, handicap, weight or whatever.

Food for thought.

Lawn Jockeys, Jesses rant, being thankful

2005-09-06T00:56:00.000-05:00

Baton Rouge, LA - 1) I can see a lawn jockey from my hotel room. A real, live lawn jockey. My room faces the back of the hotel, and there is a neibhorhod right behind the hotel. The people in the house right behind me have a real, live, full-sized LAWN JOCKEY sittin in their front yard. Smiling. And grinning. And it's a dark-skinned lawn jockey with bright white teeth. I can see his teeth from 500 feet away. Trifling.

2) Even more triflin: I saw a guy cutting their grass today, and he was a brotha. Now, he may have been just the hired help or whatever, but still. Didn't he see that damn lawn jockey? This fool was riding around it, too, all ho-hum like. Like it wasn't even there.

3) I agree with what Jesse Jackson told me yesterday: the familes shouldn't be taken out of Louisania. Yeah, it's nice that other states are helping out and all that, but, as he put it, separating the familes do more harm that good. Look, for example, of all the cases where little kids were found in NEw Orleans, but their parents had already been taken to Houston or Dallas. And, as Jesse put it, taking these people away from LA takes them away from helping rebuild their own cities.

4) Know what's a trip about all this Katrina stuff? That every victim that I've met so far has been totally nice, and overall happy. These people have amazing spirits. Think about that the next time something frivilous pisses you off.

Katrina, part 5: "You want to go to New Orleans?"

2005-09-01T07:38:00.000-05:00

Lake Charles, LA - So now I'm up in the mix. I'm at the a McDonalds in Lake Charles, about 25 miles from the Texas border. Nicest McDonalds I've ever seen. High speed internet. HDTV screens all over the place. Leather seats. The bathroom doesn't stank.

I'm jealous. Why can't we have McDonalds like this in H-Town? And every other sizeable city I've been in. Every McDonalds I've ever been to has been ghett.

Last night, I slept on a cot. Outside. In the Parking Lot of the Louisania National Air Guard. Next to my fully-loaded, work-issued Ford Focus Station Wagon. Never thought I'd ever drive a station wagon. Too "Brady Bunch" for my taste. But, hell, I put Stevie Wonder in the CD player and was ROLLING through Texas.

Doing the military, sleep outside shit, but it was kind of peaceful, too. Haven't slept outside in a while, and looking up at the stars was kind of cool. Made me realize: we're not the only ones out there.

But then, that's what this whole week has been about, if you think about it. If Hurricane Katrina has taught us anything, it's that there are things that we can't control. Period. It's not a religious issue. Or even a spiritual one. It's a simple scientific one. Some force, SOMETHING, created Katrina, just like something created the stars I was gazing up at last night.

We won't be rolling to NOLA as soon as I'd hoped. I'm with the Texas National Guard, and writing about their rescue efforts. Cool story. And I'm geeked. We were going to leave Lake Charles and go to Baton Rouge, where I was going to hop on a helicopter and fly down to Nola and watch rescue efforts.

But, problems, problems. When we woke up this morning, we learned that not only are the roads to NOLA still closed, but - and this shit is a trip - fools in New Orleans are shooting at the rescue helicopters.

Yep. Not only are we looting, robbing, hijacking cars, taking over school buses, stealing vacuum cleaners and shooting police officers in the fo head, we're also trying to SHOOT DOWN THE PEOPLE THAT ARE TRYING TO RESCUE US.

Unbelievable. Makes you wonder what the world is coming to.

Right now, I'm just waiting to hear back on the plan for the day. I've got to go back to the Armory to get further instructions. If I do fly with them today, they assure me that I'll be on a Blackhawk Helicopter, and no one can bring one of those down. I'm skeptical. I saw "Blackhawk Down."

I know this: military life ain't for me. First of all, getting up at 5 am ain't gon work. Hell, I have trouble making it to work at 9:30. And, I noticed that military people will just randomly get ready whereever they are. I saw this one reservist standing outside in the dark this morning, shaving, using the mirror from his van as a guide. I don't think so. I'm a civilian. I need a bathroom and a mirror and a faucet.

On the other hand, it makes me realize how spoiled we civilians are. I'm also seeing how military people simplify things to the nth degree. They pack light and tight, and keep only the things they need with them. We could learn a few things from them, if you think about it.

Last night, I realized I forgot to bring a towel. So, after I showered, I simply used the shirt I was wearing to dry off before changing. Yeah, I felt kind of dumb standing in the shower room with all these naked reservists and I'm the only fool without a towel, but, hey, I did what military people do all the time: I improvised.

Guess I'm learning.

Katrina, Part 4: NOLA is no mo'

2005-08-31T01:08:00.000-05:00

(Check out part 1, part 2, part 3 here.)

For a look at what people are really going through in NOLA, check out this blog from a NOLA refugee.

April, 2000

The first time I saw Bourbon Street, I thought the cab driver had made a mistake. Trash everywhere, homeless people out on the streets begging, fools walking down the road half naked. This was Bourbon Street? The famous Street that stood for NOLA?

It was. Burbon Street in all it's glory. That hazy day back in April of 2000, my first trip to NOLA. I remembered grabbing a cab at the airport, exciting to finally be in NOLA for the first job, and for a job interview no less. I was excited about the job, but more excited about living in New Olreans.

I told the cab driver to take me to the Royal Sonesta hotel. As we wound through NOLA's freeways on the way to the Central Business District (I thought it was cool that they didn't call it "downtown" like so many other cities), I craned my neck, looking at the skyscrapers, wondering what that big space ship-looking thing was. Where was the French Quarter? The neighborhood of sin, the decadent playground for those big enough to set their own rules. Where was it?

The cab driver swooshed off the freeway, onto Canal street. Look at the Palm Trees. Are we in the Quarter? The geeche-accented cab driver said no, we weren't. But we're getting there. We creeped down canal and hit a right. We drove a few more blocks and hit another right, then drove a few blocks and arrived at the hotel, which was anchored right in the middle of the quarter.

The French Quarter is hard to get to, hard to find. It is a confusing, mysteroius and complicated neighborhood that's full of life, exploding with energy and mysticism. It's a neighborhood where you can buy a Vooodooo doll, grab a drink, eat a po'boy and argue with a homeless person - ALL IN ONE SPOT.

But NOLA isn't just the quarter. It a big, fascinating city with life and culture outside the French Quarter. I remember seeing my first New Orleans Cemetary, where they have bodies buried above ground. Freaked me out. I remember eating turtle soup for the first time. Not bad.

Not to get too sentimental, but it's kind of depressing to see that New Orleans could possibly never be the same. Sure, they'll rebuild, but will it have the same character and culture that the "old" Nola had? I doubt it.

Katrina, Part 3: The hotel has no windows

2005-08-30T16:58:00.000-05:00

Most of New Orleans is now underwater.
The airport is underwater.
Downtown is underwater.
Most of the neibhorhoods are underwater.

So why is it, when I called Priceline to get a refund on my hotel reservation, the clown was like, "Why do you need a refund sir?"

WTF????????????????????????

Me: "Because the city is underwater."

He puts me on hold.
He comes back.

Priceline fool: "Sir, but I don't think the Hyatt sustained a lot of damage. We're not sure if we can give you a refund."

Me: "Look, I just saw the Hyatt on tv. IT HAS NO WINDOWS. How the hell they gon be open if there are no windows on the damn building?"

Priceline fool: "Please hold, sir."

Priceline fool keeps me on hold for like 6 minutes, then comes back and says, yes, I can have a refund. Clown.

Continental was a little more simple to deal with. I'd planned on going to a football game in Michigan in early Oct, but hadn't booked my flight yet, so I just applied my New Orleans ticket
towards that.

Why are service workers so useless and triflin?

'That bullet is a tribal mark, orientation, something we all gotta get sometimes -- just as long as we don't die, it's fine."

2005-08-29T18:49:00.000-05:00

So Suge Knight was shot at the VMA awards. Tragic. Right?

Call me Mr. Conspiracy, but somethin don't sound right. I think this could have been set up by Suge himself, to get his name back out there, to boost his cred. Think about it: we haven't really heard much from Suge lately. Maybe a simple leg wound would get him back out there. Plus, we all know how, in the rap world, taking a bullet ranks right up there with going to prison as a way to earn props.

As rapper Peety Pablo put it: ''That bullet is a tribal mark, orientation, something we all gotta get sometimes -- just as long as we don't die, it's fine,'' Pablo said.

Aside from the fact that that's the dumbest shit I've ever heard, here are the reasons something don't smell right:

He was shot at an exclusive party, in an exclusive room, at an exclusive hotel. Come on, now. Everybody and they mamma can't just roll up in the Shore Club. And, they sure as hell couldn't get into an exclusive room. The person who did that had to be invited, and had to know somebody.
He was shot in the leg. Come on, now. If someone REALLY wanted to cap his azz, they would have shot him in the face.
Nobody saw anything. Just like when Tupac died on the Las Vegas Strip - one of the most crowded streets in the world - suddenly, nobody in this crowded, exclusive resort saw anything. And no one hanging outside other South Beach clubs saw anything.
Riiiight.

Katrina, Part 2

2005-08-28T17:23:00.000-05:00

1) So I called Priceline.com to see what I can do about my reservations for next weekend. I pre-paid my hotel room through them at the Hyatt. At first, I had reservations at the good ol trusty Mariott, but I cancelled those to save money. Mistake.

2) Anyway, Priceline woman tells me that, basically, It's too early to cancel my reservations, which were for this Friday, Sept. 2. She's trying to be optimistic, and is all cheery. She's like, "Oh, you should be fine. The hotel is likely going to be open." So I'm like, "What if the city is UNDERWATER?" She's like "Oh, well, in that case you have options. "

3) So then, Priceline woman is all happy and cheery again, trying to reassure me that, even if a hurricane comes thorough NOLA, the city will still function.

Priceline woman: "I flew into New Orleans once, right after a hurricane, and everything was ok."

Me: "Oh yeah? When was this?"

Priceline woman: "A couple of years ago. "

Me: "Um, was it a CATEGORY FIVE hurricane?"

Priceline woman, after a pause: "Um, no. I think it was a two."

Me: "Big difference there."

Give her credit for trying, I guess.

4) But, as I said before, this isn't about me or my reservations. This is about the people who are still in NOLA. Pray for them. Or, if you're not religious, just think good thoughts.

5) Jhill and I were just talking about this: what about all the reporters, rescue workers, and politicians who have to stay in New Orleans? My company has several people in NOLA right now. I hope they're ok. Really makes you think about whether certain careers are worth it.

6) FOX news is a trip. Sensationistic as all get out. Damn. All the other networks have been low key, but telling the facts: the storm is big. Leave New Orleans. But not FOX. No way. They've been like "KATRINA IS COMING! KATRINA IS COMING!" I'm not joking. One of the anchors was screaming that late last night.

7) President Bush declared a state of emergency, and the other networks were calm, saying "The President has ordered an evacuation."

FOX'S take: "THE FEDS ARE NOW INVOLVED!!!!!"

8) I have since switched to CNN.

Katrina getting her NOLA groove on

2005-08-28T01:22:00.000-05:00

1) Leave it to a Hurricane with a ghetto name like Katrina to destroy New Orleans . Why couldn't Hurricane Becky or Molly do it? Why it gotta be a Katrina?

2) Seriously, though, we all need to say a prayer for the good folks in New Orleans. Let's hope Katrina realize that she don't have the right outfit for the club on Burbon Street, and needs to go back home in the ocean, and passes around New Orleans. If she hits New Orleans, it could be one of the worst disasters in United States History. It's deep. The situation in New Orleans is so hopeless that, even in a hurricane situation, the American Red Cross is like, "Yall some good ones for staying! Yall on yall own."

3) I'm not the only one with a sense of humor about Katrina. Check out this blog from New Orleans. It's an interesting read on what people are doing and how they're coping with every thing. Fools loading up on cases of beer. Good plan.

4) Wow. As I write this, an announcement just came on the Weather Channel. There is now mandatory evacuation in New Olreans. First time in the city's history that has ever happened. This is getting serious.

5) I'm sure, even with that warning, there will still be fools down in the French Quarter like, "Can I get another DRANK?" Clowns in NOLA treat a hurricane like it's just a drizzle or something. "Uh huh, yeah. We know a storm could come. But it prolly won't. Let's go get drunk."

6) Memo to those fools: GET OUT!!! Ain't no gin and tonic or Po'boy worth it! Hmm. Let's do the math: Booze, or death? Hmm. Tough choice.

7) Anybody else get obsessed with the Weather Channel during hurricane season? I can't stop watching.

"They're comparing chickens to black people?"

2005-08-25T23:57:00.000-05:00

Read this story. The triflin-ness of it speaks for itself. Apparently, PETA felt that the struggle of chickens was equal to the struggle of BLACK FOLKS during SLAVERY.

Memo to Peta: We eat chickens. We're human. They're animals. While I understand that they're living things and shouldn't be tortured, it still doesn't compare to what slaves went through.

Plus, hell, isn't is basically torture when I buy a 5-piece at Popeyes?

PETA Rethinks Slavery Analogy
From Associated Press

August 14, 2005
RICHMOND, Va. - People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is reconsidering a campaign comparing images of animal abuse with those of slavery after complaints from civil rights groups and others.

The animal rights group's "Animal Liberation" campaign included 12 panels juxtaposing pictures of black people in chains with shackled elephants and other provocative images. The group, based in Norfolk, Va., wrapped up the first leg of the tour in Washington on Thursday, visiting 17 cities before deciding to put the tour on hold.

"We're not continuing right now while we evaluate," said Dawn Carr, a PETA spokeswoman. "We're reviewing feedback we've received ‹ most of it overwhelmingly positive, and some of it quite negative."

One panel showed a black civil rights protester being beaten at a lunch counter beside a photo of a seal being bludgeoned. Another panel, titled "Hanging," showed a graphic photo of a white mob surrounding two lynched black people, their bodies hanging from tree limbs, while a nearby picture showed a cow hanging in a slaughterhouse.

Controversy erupted Aug. 8, when the display was in New Haven, Conn.

"There was one man who began shouting that the exhibit was racist," Carr said. "Then, there was a lot of shouting." Carr said PETA used the shocking images to prove a point: Whether it's humans harming animals or each other, all point to an oppressive mind-set.
However, officials with the National Assn. for the Advancement of Colored People aren't buying it.

"PETA operates by getting publicity any way they can," said John White, an NAACP spokesman. "They're comparing chickens to black people?"

PETA officials apologized this year for a campaign that compared the suffering of Jews during the Holocaust with that of factory animals.

A pledge to my readers

2005-08-25T23:53:00.000-05:00

I, Drew, hereby promise to update this blog more often. Sorry for being triflin, just been hectic and busy lately. Don't give up on me. This blog shall live.

(Though, I still say I'm grown and can blog when I want to, but anyway...)

Yet another anti-coporate America rant

2005-08-19T01:38:00.000-05:00

Why are credit card companies the equivalent of Satan on Earth? I have paid my credit card payments on time for quite a while now. On time. Getting my shit together, right?

So, this month, with all my travels and shit, I got confused. Yall, I paid my credit card bill - online - one day late. For real. ONE DAMN DAY LATE. And I got fined $30 by the credit card hoes.

WTF?????????
And, even worse, it was a low balance credit card. I only owed like $350 on that muthafucka. So, damn, a negro got charged 10 percent for being one day late!

Hotlanta, Part 2

2005-08-15T19:48:00.000-05:00

What's the deal with Atlanta? I haven't been in 10 years, and I really, really liked it when I was there last week. Hell, I wouldn't mind living there.

But I also got this uppity vibe from ATL. As my boy Steve said: "These fools in Atlanta swear up and down this is either New York or LA."

And he's right. Atlanta is cool, but also has some of the most sididdy, snotty, uppity negroes I have ever seen in my entire life. Heffas running around there like they just jumped out of P. Diddy's limo. Guys rolling around like they just signed a 7-year contract with the Falcons or a record deal with LaFace records.

I got this vibe that there are certain Atlanta "types":

1) The uppity Southern Bell. This one came from money, even though her mamma and daddy couldn't wait to ship her off to school. If she left Georgia for college (which is doubtful), she attented either Howard or Hampton, yet she flies back to ATL every six weeks because she missed her high school friends. If she did go to school in Georgia, it's likely at Spellman, where she lived on campus, chased after a husband at Morehouse, but pretended like she was all that. She played hard-to-get, but likely ran through one or two fraternities.

2) The wannabe Southern Bell. This one came from a working class family but PRETENDS like she came from money. She likes to brag about her clothes, her shopping excursions, how much she knows, and likes to put in airs like she's a fifth generation Johnson, but in reality, her mamma and daddy nearly got a divorce when he lost his $50,000-a-year-gig at the plant, and she ows about $100,000 in student loans, and she can't afford cable and her Visa is maxed.

3) The Morehouse Man. Macho, debanir, cool, and gay as all get out. Dates women - occassionally. But prefers to roll with his boys for some strange reason. Will likely go to Medical School, and thus has no time for a wife. (Hmm. Wonder why?)

4) Mr. Rap Wannabe. This fool is from either Detroit or Flint or Chicago, but heard about Atlanta years ago. He dropped everything and moved down, no job, no prospects, no nothing. He expected to be signed to a record label as soon as he got off I-75, because everyone knows HE is the most talented, undiscovered rapper in the country. He calls his mamma every other day - collect - asking her to wire him $100 for his share of the rent.

5) Mr./Mrs Randomly Love Atlanta. This person likes Atlanta, but they're not sure why. They've always heard about it, so they decided to move there. Truth is, the only reason they moved there is because it was the trendy thing to do. This person is a follower, the person who does what everyone else is doing. They like Atlanta...they think.

6) Mr. Black Gay Atlanta. He heard that Atlanta was the gay mecca, so he figured, "Why not?" Marginalized in other cities, Mr. Gay Atlanta moves to Georgia, expecting a utopia. Only, he realizes what he saw in his old city: fools are all the same. Everywhere.

"Drew, I'm blacker than you are."

2005-08-14T21:55:00.000-05:00

This column by my girl Donna Britt has me thinking: what is black? What does that mean? What does it mean to say you're not "black enough?"

Recenly, KLC recalled, in front of some very influential people in the industry, that when we were in college, I sort of "tested" her blackness. She was right. I did. For that I apologize.

There have been many times in my life where my blackness was "tested."There was my simple-ass uncle who nicknamed me White Boy when I was a kid (going so far as to have a tshirt made with WHITE BOY printed on the front) because I was born very light skinned. There was the simple mf white guy in college at the student newspaper who thought he was down as all get out, going so far as to tell me once: "Drew, I'm blacker than you are."

Keep in mind that this was one of those white boys who wore baggy jeans and his cap with a tilt and listened to wack-ass East Coast rap and thought that made him down. As I told him once: "If I took you into the neighborhood where I grew up, you'd get your ass kicked."

But as Donna Britt's piece pointed out, we as black folks are really self-limiting ourselves in our experiences. We don't do certain things because that's not something "black folks do."

When I lived in Colorado - yes, some black folks do live out there - I went hiking a few times and snow shoeing once and that was it. I wasn't into the "outdoorsy" life because, well, I just didn't care. I didn't think black folks got into all that stuff. So I ignored it.

Now? I miss Colorado's natural beauty, the stunning mountains, the rolling hills, the trees. Let me tell you: heaven on earth is Colorado in the fall when the leaves are changing. Amazing. But I didn't take advantage of all of that, and ignored it.

Do I regret leaving Colorado? No. But I wished that I'd have taken advantage of those things when I was there.

I long ago accepted certain truths about myself: I can't play basketball. I don't like chitterlings. Rap music is getting on my nerves. I've read all of William Shakespears stuff and think most of it is brilliant. I like Sting. I bought Jagged Little Pill. I think OJ is guilty. Black folks gave R Kelley a free pass.

None of those things make me any less black.

So, have you ever been considered or called "less black" by someone?
Or "less white"?
Or "less womanly"?
Or "less gay"?
Or "less Asian"?
Or "less Hispanic"?

HOTLANTA, Part 1

2005-08-14T17:18:00.000-05:00

Yeah, yeah, I know I've been triflin in updating this blog, but, well, I"ve been busy. Plus, I'm grown. I can blog when I feel like it.

I just returned from a trip to Atlanta for a convention. I had a blast. I was able to reconnect with some people I hadn't seen in years, and really enjoy hanging around good friends and doing some professional networking.

And peep this: I actually had good service in the ATL. My last blog was a rant against stank black service workers. Well, I had some great black service workers in ATL. This one waiter was so cool we hooked him up with a $15 tip, and there was only two of us. He treated us well, and didn't act as if we were preventing him from watching the BET Awards. He was a cool cat.

So, lesson learned: don't go generalizing an entire group. I was ready to write off my people. Big mistake. Obviously, people are people, you know?

Ok, there are other Hotlanta tales to tell. Like the stank, cluesses, evil-ass cab drivers we kept getting and the fact that I lost my brand new cell phone, and the woman horse breeder I sat next to on the plane who was returning from a booty call in Minnesota.

But I'll save those for later.

No waiting on line Black

2005-08-02T01:20:00.000-05:00

Are black cashiers and service workers just inherently evil, or are they trained that way? Why does it seem like they're evil just to black customers? I am sick of dealing with the angry, stank, evil black service worker.

Look, I consider myself a real brotha. And I always try and help my people out. But it seems like lately I've been dealing with stank black service workers left and right.

First, I had to deal with Bomquisha at Randalls who got an attitude when I dared buy some groceries. Even though Randalls is a grocery store, an upscale one at that, Bomquisha was highly pissed that I bothered to get into her line to buy my three oranges, some ice cream, some bottled water and a bag of Funyions.

When I got in her line she looked at me like I stole something.

How dare I?

Then, I had to deal with DeVonte. I was out to dinner with some co-workers recently, and Devonte's suddenly friendly smile disappeared when my face made it to the front of his line. This fool was doing all he could NOT to take my order. He looked up at the ceiling, he looked around me, he even asked the guy behind me if someone had taken his order yet. The other cashier already had. Clearly, this fool wanted to do anything but wait on me. I was a little frustrated when all I wanted was a couple of $1.99 fish tacos and a margareta, and instead got thrust into an episode of The Black And The Restless.

Then, I had to deal with NABJ.

Man. N-A-B-J. Should be short for t-r-i-f-l-i-n-g. I don't even know what to say. All I did was call the national office and check up on my membership application and my convention registration. After all, I'd paid for both weeks ago, and they'd already charged $400 to my credit cards, and I have yet to see piece of paper the first. I wanted to know what was up.

So I called NABJ and told them what I was looking for. Then I say, "I just want to check on my membership and convention registration."

A long pause.

Then I hear a big-ass SIGH, like somebody told her her lights were about to be cut off.

Yall know the kind of sigh I'm talking about. One of those "you want me to WORK?" sighs.

Getting even deeper with all of this, why does it seem like black service workers only act like that towards other blacks? As I said, I've been in lines, I've been waited on in restaurants, and I've seen white customers get the Royal Treament, but when the service person turns to me, I get treated with disgust.

And I'm a friendly person. I used to be a waiter, and I used to get hyped when some black folks were sat in my section by the host or hostess.

Every now and then I'll run across a cool service worker, a person who is just so laid back they really couldn't care less. Like the black cashier at this one grocery store in Houston who procalimed, loudly, that she "didn't give a damn and didn't need that damn job."

But for the most part, all I get is attitude. Am I missing something here? Does anyone else get the same vibes from black service workers?

I know the service industry is hard and stressful, but, damn, can't a brother get a smile every now and then?

Living in a soundbite world

2005-07-27T00:31:00.000-05:00

When was the last time you heard a speech that moved you, that made you sit up and brush the potato chip crumbs off your lap and watch? The last time you heard a speech that made your eyes well up? When was the last time anyone really got to you, really said something with substance that you will always keep with you?

Lately, I've been thinking about sound bites, and how we live in a sound bite society. It's all about the quick-hit quote. It's all about getting on ESPN or CNN or E! or BET.

Striving for our 15 Minutes drives us overboard, prompting us to say anything to get us noticed. And, nine times out of then, what is said is outrageous. Or hateful. Or mean. Or cynical. Just watch Sportscenter on any given night. You'll see. Or watch FOX News.

Wait. On second thought. Don't.

But there has to be something more to be said - about life, about people, about humanity, about the conditions of how we live - that isn't outrageous, hateful and cnynical. At least, I hope so. Then again, people have tended to call me Mr. Happy and accused me of being a male Pollyanna.

But, if you think about it, Jesse Jackson's "keep hope alive" message may have been trite, but it was a simple, yet powerful message. And very necessary. Surely, we can all relate to tough times, to needing to hear that all we needed was faith. Sure, we can have faith. But it makes us feel just a little bit better when someone comforts us with a few kind words to keep on going.

That's why Keep On Moving by Soul II Soul and Optimistic by The Sounds of Blackness are two of my favorate songs of all time.

Simple songs, but heck, sometimes it's all about simple, ain't it?

All about the sound bite.

All about the sound bite.

All about the sound bite.

Who moved you last? A preacher? A celebrity? A sibling? A parent? A friend?

Or do we just yap, yap, yap, hunkered down in our fixed positions and comfortable with staying there, oblivioius?

Bill Clinton's speech at the Democratic National Convention last year really moved me. His passion about the perils of hate and importance of connecting was amazing. And, that's really what it's about: connecting. With our friends. With our family. With ourselves.

(Perhaps one could argue that Clinton's speech was somewhat "cynical" or "hateful", merely targeted at conservative republicans. Perhaps. But, for those 25 minutes. He had me. And everyone else. Fools could have run around bombing up a storm, and no one would have noticed. All eyes were on the tv and Clinton's speech.)

But, if you think about it, one doesn't have to be inspired by a celebrity silliquoy. It doesn't have to be some grandiose speech given in front of millions. A few small words from a friend or realtive can inspire you, make you realize we're not all hopeless.

My uncle reminding me of the importance of family a few months ago was just as moving as Clinton's speech. A co-worker telling me to take a step back and no overreact and handle something with class and dignity was equally moving.

Just seems that these days, when people open their mouths, all that come out are big, empty words. We're all so rushed from place to place, from gig to job, from here to there, that we don't really take the time to talk to each other, to connect with substance.

Confession: Oprah Winfrey's speech at the Oscars a few years ago also got me. Can't remember specifics, but it was one of her "you gotta believe!" speeches. You know how Oprah is. Always preaching. I was struck not so much by her message as I was by her tone and intensity. Half the time I can't stand Oprah. But no matter how you feel about her, the woman is passionate. And believes in her heart what she says.

Clinton's 1996 presidental speech was outstanding. Jesse Jackson's speech in (I think) 1992 was excellent, too.

A lot of people criticized Halle Berry for getting so emotional when she won the Oscar. I missed it, but saw the clips of it. Personally, i have no problem with getting so emotional. That's when the truth, the heart of a person, tends to come gushing out like a geyser.

When was the last time you were moved or touched by a few kinds words or a big, grand speech?

Or, is it simply:
All about the sound bite?
All about the sound bite?
All about the sound bite?

The N word

2005-07-26T02:27:00.000-05:00

Lately, there's been a lot of talk about the N Word. Y'all know what I mean.

Nigga.

I can say that.
A lot of rednecks can't, which they resent, but that's another blog.

Anyway, my boy Aaron MacGruder, who draws the Boondocks comic strip, is making it into a cartoon. And, he wants to "keep it real" by allowing characters to use the N word. In a cartoon. This will apparently be seen late at night, on the Cartoon Network.

Is it necessary? There's been a lot of talk lately about this. I interviewed Aaron a couple of years ago, and he's a real cool cat, a "real" brother with no pretentions. Very down to earth. But I'm wondering what the cartoon is going to gain by using that word.

So, will MacGruder's messages go the way of John Singleton, who tries SO hard to "keep it real" that the gratitutious foul language often mucks up the deeper messages in his movies? And, what about the uncensored versions of the Chappele's Show, which apparently don't bleep it out? Does that take away from the insight of that show?

Ya'll know me. I'm all for keeping it real and for truth telling from the jump. I'm just tossing it out there whether Aaron really needs the "N" word in his cartoon. I find his comic strips hilarious and insightful, and they tend to be so without using that word.

So why is it necessary now?

Dumb TV

2005-07-22T03:13:00.000-05:00

The talk last week of "Good Times" got me to thinking about my favorate shows, and the worst shows ever created.

Let's start with the worst. Here are the dumbest tv shows I have ever seen. Some of them are series. Some are specials. Some are current. Some are old school. All of them are ludicris as hell. I know i'm missing a lot, so feel free to add on.

Man vs Beast.
The premise: human beings square off in a round of olympic-like competitions against...animals.
My take: The world is going to hell when you turn on a tv and see a human being racing a giraffe in the 40 yard dash. Put it this way: I'm human. I EAT animals. I don't RACE against them. Who cares if a hyena can beat me in a sprint? I'm an evolved species that can think and do things.

The Secret Diary of Desmond Pheffier.
The premise: This was on UPN (that figures) about seven or so years ago. It's a a sitcom about - brace yourself - a slave in Abraham Lincoln's White House who records the various goings on in his lil diary.
My take: Triflin. Insulting. Dumb. What's funny is, this show tanked not because of the insulting premise, but because it was simply a horrible idea and wasn't funny.

Fear Factor
The premise: Human beings (you know, we evolved ones) eat rats and shove snakes down our underwear and stuff to win prizes.
My take: The true sign that mankind has lost it's mind. Who thought of this? Who thought it would be interesting to see people pick up a mouth full of roaches and move them to a jar?

Cop Rock
The premise: a musical cop show.
My take: An old school pick. Cops singing? WTF? The last thing I want to see is a cop twirling around on my tv screen. Go solve some damn crimes.

Webster
The premise: yet another black-orphan-adopted-by-rich-white-folks show. And it wasn't even funny on top of that.
My take: All I remember is, the mama in that show looked like a drag queen.

What's happeneing now
The premise: A remake of the old "What's Happening?" show.
My take: I don't care what's happening now. I cared about the show THEN. D was my girl, and this show didn't have D.

Cell phone companies ain't sh--!!!!!!!

2005-07-20T17:48:00.000-05:00

So my cell phone died. Cell phone companies ain't sh--, but we'll get to that. I go to the Cingular store during lunch, and I'm like, "my cell is messed up, what are my options?"

"Juan" informs me that my options are to get a new phone. Thanks Einstein.

So I ask what the price ranges are. I'm clueless about cell phones. I'm thinking I can get a top of the line one for about $100. Useless-ass "Juan" informs me that the bare bones cell phone, brand new, is $250. He then informs me that if I were three months away from the expiration of my contract, they could tear it up and renew it and I'd get a great cell phone on the cheap. My contract doesn't expire for another six months or so, so I'm screwed.

Here's my question: why are Cell Phone companies so triflin? I'm five mintues away from putting them on my Utility Shit List, right up there with cable companies. Why in the hell do they charge $5,0000 for a phone, but when they trying to lure you into a contract, they offer that same phone to you for $5 and, a pack of Now and Laters and a blunt?

A few people have told me I can go on ebay, bid on one at auction real cheap, and go that route. But I ain't got time for all that. Ebay takes patience, something a bruh don't have.

Oh, and then, when I asked "Juan" if they could transfer my numbers, he's like, "Maybe."
Then, a pause.
After 30 seconds, i'm like, "Maybe....what???"
He's like, "Well, we'd have to check to see if you have a sim card and then maybe we could transfer it depending on this and that, blah, blah, blah..."

So I asked him if he could check my phone right then?
This fool was like, "Naw, we don't have 'the machine' at this store."
Whatever the hell "the machine" is.

Oh, and peep this: a friend of mine told me of her experience with a cell phone company. She and her husband wanted to UPGRADE their plan, adding minutes, options, etc. The cell phone company told her, no, in order to do that, they would have to break the original contract (charging her a $200 fee) and start a new one.

The friend reminded the cell phone company that she wanted an UPGRADE, and was willing to spend more money. But they still said no. Pissed, when the friend's contract was up, she switched to another company.

What kind of dumb sh-- is that? She wanted to spend MORE MONEY, but the cell phone company woudn't let her. They was like, "naw, dawg, we good."

Normally, I love Cingular, and think it's the best cell phone company hands down, but today, all cell phone companies on my list.

Sick of Harry Potter

2005-07-18T21:20:00.000-05:00

Damn, I'm sick of hearing about Harry Potter! Ok, so, those books have gotten kids to read. Good, but so damn what? Why are we treating the release of every book like the Second Coming? Why in the world are fools lining up at midnight to buy a book about a lil wizard and his lil powers?

I can understand that the books may be entertaining and suspenseful, but I'm sick of hearing about it. I mean, we got academics reviewing the latest book and writing disserations about the meaning of it and how the book has gotten darker and all that.

Fools running around acting like these books are installments of the Bible.

Forget Harry Potter. I want to hear about DeVante Potter and how he trying to survive Hogwarts High School in the fifth ward!

The Church and the black man

2005-07-17T16:40:00.000-05:00

Are Churches houses of worship, or fashion shows? Are attendants congregants or gang members? Why is there so much infighting in churches, especially within black churches?

This great opinion piece in the Washington Post - http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/07/15/AR2005071502194.html - has me thinking about spirituality and organized religion.

The author makes the point that the black church - and most churches in general - has somewhat ignored the needs of their communities, specificially the needs of black men. I thought it was interesting how the writer talked about his wife and kids going to church, but he stays home.

It was kind of a sad piece, since the guy is obviously very spiritual. He doesn't feel like he connects with organized religion anymore.

It's something I can somewhat relate to. I"m spiritual. I believe in God. I guess that makes me religious. But I haven't been to church in a minute, mainly because of all the things he mentioned: the infighting, the attitudes, the drama.

I remember being a kid, and going to church, and when we came home all my mamma and her friends talked about were how sistah so and so had on this ugly outfit, and brother this and that is messing around with one of the choir members, etc.

I remember all kinds of Church-related arguments breaking out, many of them turining nasty. I remember at one point some people stopped going to church because they felt that some good friends of theirs said the wrong thing.

It seems like every church has certain types:

1. The troublemaking deacon. This is that ONE deacon that's always into some stuff, that's always starting something and spreading rumors. This is the guy that's always up in everybody business, but don't want anybody in HIS business. That rumor about the pastor and the choir member? It was started by the Troublemaking Deacon.

2. The clueless preacher's wife. She smiles and grins and goes through the motions, not aware that her husband is doing 'ain't no telling with who knows who.

3. The Ambigiously Gay Choir Leader. He speaks in a high-pitched voice. He can sew a choir robe together in 5 minutes. He's always impeccably dressed, and can sing like Whitney and Aretha. He's gay. And everyone knows it. But no one says anything about it, which is one of the Great Ironies of the Black Church: can't stand gay folks, but got them in major leadership positions.

4. The Holy Ghost Woman. You know. She "gets happy" during EVERY song EVERY single Sunday. Hops around so fast her hat falls off. The urshers always have to "take her in the back" for a few minutes.

5. Ain't See Him Since Last Easter Man. I know several people like this. I have a cousin who, miraciously, only shows up on Easter Sunday, claiming that he's ready to join the church.

Anyway, read the Washington Post piece. It's good. He also talks about how Churches have failed to meet the needs of their communities.

Old-School TV

2005-07-11T23:44:00.000-05:00

TV Land is having a "Good Times" marathon, which is the equivalent of telling me I just won the 4 digit for playing a number "in the box." As many know, Good Times is my S-H-I-T. I own the first four complete seasons. I know episodes by heart. I know how much the Evans' rent was ($125 per month). In know where Wilona worked and I know where Florida moved after she got married and abandoned her kids in the ghetto.

I love me some Good Times.

That got me to thinking about Old School TV. What is it about Old School TV shows that keeps us interested? All of the shows from the 70s - Good Times, The Jeffersons, All In the Family - dealth will real life issues that we still deal with today. Archie Bunker was racist as all get out, yet at the same time he was refreshingly blunt, and provoked discussion.

Here's my question: why is black-oriented tv so lame-ass today compared to the 70s and 80's? I mean, if you look at any random episode of The Jeffersons or Good Times or Sandford and Son, you will hear the black characters use the word "nigga" the way it's used today, and the way they DO NOT use it on tv now.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying we should use that word on tv. Or at all. I'm merely asking: why is it that those shows seemed ahead of their time? Was it simply about the post-1960s black power movement?

Why are black shows today so...simple and clueless and message-less?
What are your favorate black old school shows?

It's gettin hot in here

2005-07-07T18:58:00.000-05:00

Random thoughts as this heat starts to kick my tail:

1) I'm glad New York didn't get the Olympics. I mean, I love NYC and all, but they acted as if they should get the games JUST because of 911. The same thing happened right after 911 during the World Series. Everybody and they mamma thought the Yankess should get it JUST because of 911. Sorry, it don't work like 'dat. The United States has had the games three times in 20 years. That's a lot.

2) You know how you go into the doctor, and wait in the examination room for the doctor, and there's another examination room right next to it? The walls between these examination rooms are usually paper thin. Well, today, I was at the doctor, and the doctor was meeting with a husband and wife in the next examination room. I couldn't overhear what it was about (and wasn't trying to listen, to be honest), but my doctor is LOUD AS HELL when he wanna be, and all of a sudden I hear him say, plain as day, "Ok, i'll get yall some viagra. Don't worry. I'ma hook yall up. I'll be right back with a prescription."
I didn't really need to hear all that!

3) This week's "What's all that fo?": The bombings in London are a trip. Here's my thing with all these terrorist attacks: What's the point? What do they gain by blowing shit up and killing people? Are they doing it for religious reasons, for their God? Even so, still, WHAT IS THE POINT! As Jemele said about the villians in the James Bond films: If you blow up the world, where YO ass gon live???

4) Overheard on the radio driving home today: "It's a high of 101 degress downtown..."
That's just wrong. Plain wrong.

5) I renewed my NABJ membership. They said it would take two weeks to process, and I'll get my stuff in the mail. Right after that, I registered for the convention. Here it is, nearly 3 weeks after I renewed my membership, and i haven't gotten envelope the first in the mail from NABJ. I bet my registration is going to arrive in the mail before my membership. I loves my people, but we cornered the market on triflin.

'Lil Kim in a cellblock with Amazon beasts.

2005-07-06T22:14:00.000-05:00

Weave billowing past her shoulders like bed sheets drying on a clothes line, Lil Kim stormed out of court, surrounded by shysters in black and fans flashing film. She apparently recieved one year in prison for perjury, lying under oath.

One wonders why Martha Stewart, who also essentially "lied", got only five months in jail and five months house arrest on her Dynasty-like estate.

Martha got a hookup in a minimal level halfway house, and Lil kim will probably get stuck in an OZ-like cellblock lockdown where they shoot you in the fo head if you talk too loud. How many movies have we seen that depicted what life is like in women's prisons where the inmates are barbarian beasts with breasts who will kill each other at will?

Double standard? Someone said that they think that jurors see 'Lil Kim is a rapper and were probably harder on her, that rapping is hard edged, which is something most (let's face it, white) jurors can't relate to.

And, even the judge admitted that he had to be careful not to sentence Kim too harshly for fear that people would see a racial double standard. But, still, why couldn't she get the same soft sentence Martha did? Will she get send to a similar facility?

Granted, Lil Kim SHOULD HAVE just admitted she saw her manager the day of the shooting and paid her damn taxes and called it a day, but still. This is about the sentence.

Either, way, though, this gives Lil kim some major street cred. You're not a REAL rapper until you've been to prison.
Thoughts?

MC Hammer. Michael Jackson. Fake-ass fads.

2005-07-05T02:46:00.000-05:00

Confession: I used to have an MC Hammer hookup. Remember: the big-ass baloon pants, the oversized shirt. I had it in high school, back when I had no business wearing it, back when Hammer was da shit and was floating down from the sky in KFC commercials, looking like a clown in oversized gazelles.

And, remember the Michael Jackson "Beat It" jackets? With all the zippers? I had one. Got it in the 6th grade when I got a good report card. I remember back then that having one was all that. You would roll up in school with a Beat It jacket like you finna whoop somebody ass.

That got me to thinking about ridiculus, fake-ass fads. Why in the hell did we fall for them? Ok, ok, Michael Jackson was big back then (before he was sleeping with little boys), but when I look back on that horrible ass jacket I realize somebody should have shot me in the head for wearing that bullshit. I was home recently and was bullshitting with my brothers and sisters and we were going through old photographs and one with me in that jacket came up. What the fuck was I thinking? I think I wore that jacket twice my whole childhood. After a while, the coolness of being one of the few kids in school with a Beat It jacket fades and you become That Kid With All Those Damn Zippers.

Homeless hometown homies

2005-07-04T01:25:00.000-05:00

So I'm walking to the rental office Saturday afternoon to pay my rent. It's 300 degress and I'm hoofing so I can get out of the mf heat. This homeless guy approaches me. No big deal, since I live in a downtown urban area and there are homeless people everywhere (I once had a homeless guy spot me on my balcony drinking a beer, then yelled up asking me if I had a beer or a quarter).

Anyway, homeless guy gives the standard I'm-a-good-homeless-person line: "Say, bru, I don't mean no harm. I'm not out to get you or anything."

I'm like, "Yeah, what's up?"

Homeless guy: "Look, bru, i'm not from around here, I just moved down here from Michigan."

Me: "Oh yeah? Where?"

Homeless guy: "Flint."

I'm sweating like an African slave by this point in the heat.

Me: "For real? I'm from Flint, too. What part you from?"

Homeless guy: "Northwest side."

Me: "For real? Me, too. What part?"

He then names some streets that are in the Northwest part of Flint. I have found, 1,500 miles from the city I grew up in, a homeless guy who grew up in the same city. I tell him what part of Flint I grew up in, and then he hits me with his pitch: "Say bru, would you happen to have some money so I can get a hamburger at McDonalds?"

I didn't have any money on me. I would have tried to hook him up if I had. Normally, I ignore more of the rude clowns that wander around my neighborhood, but, hell, I had to help out a Flintstone, right?

But I was wearing my workout shorts which didn't have any pockets. All I had was my $850 rent check. And it looked like he was eyeing that.

Me: "Sorry, bru, I don't have anything."

He said ok and huffed off. And I thought I heard him call me something.

Here's my question: when did homeless people get so rude? One time, this one homeless guy asked me for some change. I reached into my pocket and gave him all the change I had, which was like 90 cents. This clown was like, "Aw, man. That's all?" Another time this homeless guy approached me and asked me not for money, but for antifreeze.

"Can I impregnate you tonight?"

2005-07-03T19:09:00.000-05:00

Let's talk about Bobby Brown for a minute. That brother has some serious issues, as we all know. And his wife is one step away from Crackville (oh wait, she just returned). He has a new tv reality show, being Bobby Brown. It's pretty...strange. Entertaining on one hand, and kind of dumb and twisted on the other.

For example, I never knew what a whiny bitch Whitney Houston was. All she did for both shows was whine about how she's sick of everyone wanting her autograph. Um, what did you expect when you became an international superstar? And, quite frankly, I really don't need to hear every five minutes about how they're having sex.

It's defintely a ghetto twist on the reality genre. It'll be interesing to see how far this goes. As Jemele said it's like watching a major car wreck about to happen.

The big question is: Who names their child LaPrincia?

Yep, I caved in.

2005-07-03T18:41:00.000-05:00

I got a blog. Hell, what else did yall expect? For me to sit back and let everyone else have fun running off at the mouth about random shit? Don't think so. My turn. This is my spot. My place. Imagine a card table set up with four chairs, and people waiting their turn to play spades. Imagine yelling and screaming because your partner reneged, claining he could get four books when he could only pull three. Imagine tossing your cards down in disgust, yelling at your partner and getting up from the table to go take a pull of your beer.

That's what I want this blog to be about. I want it to feel like a long-ass spades game, where fools yell at each other one minute, high fiving the next, where decades-long friendships break up, then are repaired when yall pull a blind 6 out of nowhere.

This is my blog. This is my spot. We will have fun, yell scream, debate and chill.

Let the bidding begin.